Divergent Personalities
by KissMyAsthma911
Summary: All I wanted was to enjoy my fortune and spend my money with wild abandon, but apparently, my parents have decided I am in need of a 'personality change'. How do they set about doing this? They kick me out of the house, hold my precious money hostage and essentially force me to become an unpaid worker *cough* slave *cough* to some apple farmers in some random town called Ponyville.
1. Tough Love

**Ch.1 Tough Love. **

"Oh, come on! Are you kidding me!?" I asked in disbelief.

My parents looked sternly at me. It did not seem like they were kidding.

"You heard us, young man," my dad said. Man, he sounded _pissed._ "If you can't be trusted to use your money in a responsible manner, then you are not allowed to use it at all."

"That's not fair! It's _my _money, _I _won it fair and square!" I argued in fervor. "You can't just take it away! There's laws against that, probably."

"Sweetie, we are not taking away your money," my mom says in that caring but firm manner only a mother could do. "We are just putting it on hold until you can learn to learn to use it responsibly."

"And how long will that be?" I groused.

"That's up to you, son," dad said. "You will get access to your money when we are sure you have your attitude under control. Until then, you are not allowed to use any of it."

"And what am I supposed to do then? Just lay around on the house with nothing but TV, computer and video games all day?" Okay, that doesn't actually sound bad. In fact, it's pretty sweet. But when you have millions upon millions of bits to use as you see fit and then all of a sudden you're told you can't use any of it... well, that would get anyone raring mad, wouldn't you say?

"I'm glad you brought that up," dad said with a faint smirk. Ooh boy, I did _not _like that look. "Because you are not going to stay in this house."

Uhh. "What?"

"Honey, your father and I are busy people and we can't be watching you all day. And given your recent behavior, we cannot trust you to behave in our absence; so your father and I have decided that, for the time being, you are not going to live in this house," mom said softly.

Now, I literally, and I mean literally, recoiled as if she had hit me. "Y-you're kicking me out?!" It actually hurt a bit inside. I mean, I know I haven't always been a model child but this...

My actions probably triggered something in mom, because she was suddenly beside me, snaking her arms around me in a tender hug. "Oh sweetie! I did not mean it like that!" she stroked my back _exactly _like she knew I liked it in my younger years; and though it hurts my manly pride to admit it, I leaned against her loving, caring warmth.

Damn mom, making me feel all safe and loved.

Hmm, my eyes were starting to feel all prickly. Was someone cutting onions or something? Maybe. Oh well, back to the matter at hand.

"What I meant to say was, you will be staying someplace else; and you can come back as soon as you become a well-adjusted young man!"

Ooookay mom, thanks for ruining the moment. "Again... what?!"

It was dad's turn to speak. "Your behavior has gone down the toilet son. Frankly, I think this city is to blame. Of course, you are not without fault either; but your mother and I believe it would do you good to get away from city life for a while; see and experience new things, understand?"

No, I most certainly did _not_ understand! "B-bu... th... that's not fair!"

Dad nodded sagely. "No, it's not fair. I believe it's called tough love."

That bastard!

I looked hopefully towards mom. "Mom..."

And she looked back at me regretfully. "It's for your own good, sweetie."

That did it. I begged and pleaded and raged and even cursed a couple of times, but my parents' decision was made and although I knew mom was sympathetic to my plight, I also knew from past experience that she would not budge from her decision.

And yes, maybe I did crash my expensive foreign car into the neighbor's living room.

Yes, maybe I did bribe the smartest, nerdiest guy in school to do my homework for me.

Yes, maybe I did use my money to convince the school board into making the cheerleaders' skirts scandalously short.

Okay, yeah. And maybe I did hire a desperate-for-cash clown to stalk my clown-phobic teacher, causing long repressed memories to surface, in turn causing him to revert to a psychiatrist for help in battling his inner demons; but hey, he _did_ give a bad grade on that math homework. I don't know. I do feel somewhat guilty about it.

Whatever the case, my fate was sealed. My father had known this farmer from his college days who lived in some out-of-the-way town. Apparently, the farmer had an apple farm. The biggest in all of Equestria, or so he says.

According to dad, this farmer dude's farm was in danger of going bankrupt and dad, being the swell guy that he is, graciously helped the farmer how he could. Get this, the reason the farm was failing was due to the farmer guy's incompetence in managing his books and finances.

So dad swept in like the proverbial superman and helped the dude reorganize his books(dad's an accountant, by the way. A very successful one). He had to wade through years and years of sloppy financial handling, but in the end, he saved the guy's farm.

From what I can gather, the farmer guy passed away some time ago, may he rest in peace, but dad's heroic actions meant that he was on good relations with the farmer dude's family. So after my money mismanagement, dad called up the apple people and asked if it would not be too much trouble for me to spend some time over and they had readily agreed(I had just finished my last year of high school at seventeen years old).

I would be a guest in their home and dad had made it absolutely clear that I would do whatever was asked of me, meaning chores and hard, unpleasant physical labor(was there any other kind?). It was my parent's hope that by living through more humble means, I would become more responsible and appreciative with the things I had.

And of course, dad would keep in touch with the apple hicks and if he found out I was not doing my part, I would not be coming home until I adjusted my attitude.

I countered by stating that I could just loaf around for a year in the farm, and when I turned eighteen, those forty seven million bits in the bank would legally become mine.

Dad did not back down and said that if that's how I wanted to play, it then he would donate _all _the money to various charities and organizations. That right there gave me the mother of all mental breakdowns.

So in the end, no matter how much arguing, screaming, pleading and yes, crying I did, it was decided I would be spending the summer at this 'Sweet Apple Acres', where the only option of my return was to become a changed man.

And so one week later, with nothing but a suitcase and the clothes in my back, I departed the city of Manehattan via train, setting course for the fetid, podunk town of Ponyville.

Wow, it literally hurts to say that name.


	2. Ponyville

The train ride _sucked._

Do you know how long it takes to get from the city of Manehattan all the way to middle-of-nowhere Ponyville?"

Nine hours.

Nine... freakin'... hours.

Huh? What's that? Why does it take so long, you ask? Well, because some idiot had got into his mind that it would be a good idea to use _one single railroad _to connect an _entire_ nation!

I mean, yeah, Equestria is not too big a nation but still, the train had to make frequent stops at Fillydelphia, Hoffington, Mustangia and a bunch of other small, random towns scattered throughout the countryside.

At the very least, my parents could have flown me by plane, but apparently this Ponyville is such a hick, backwoods town that there is no safe place in which to land an airplane. Oh, God! This summer is going to suck. Not just regular suck, mind you. It's gonna suck hard!

...

What?

...

The God thing? Really? Didn't I explain this already?

...

Ugh, fine. Let's do a brief recap.

So, about fifty years ago, some team of crackpot scientists in Equestria set out with the goal of proving some... multiverse/window/travel theory or something like that. I don't know, I slept through most of history class. Anyway, at around the same time on good ol' Earth, another team of crackpot scientists or rather, terrorists with access to education and science, was working on the exact same thing as the Equestrian nuts.

From what I heard, our universe and that of the Equestrians were practically squished against each other since the beginning of time - like a fat woman's buttocks being squeezed by a too-tight pair of jeans - meaning they shared the exact same harmonic frequency. This meant that, in the multiverse's eye, both our universes were exactly the same.

I'll give you a for-instance; say you have two apples. A granny smith and a mackintosh. What's the difference between the two? Not much, really. They may both look different on the outside, but at their core, they're basically the same thing, albeit with some minute differences. Same thing with our universes.

Now, the science guys' experiments caused a build of pressure on the already frail 'walls' that divided our universes. Eventually, the pressure built to such an extent that a tiny, microscopic portion of the wall tore apart and the multiverse freaked out and decided to seal the rift by taking a piece of reality from both universes - specifically, the exact same point and time at which the experiments were being conducted - and shoving them against the tear in the wall to plug up the hole, in turn causing both of those realities to come in contact with one another.

And presto change-o, a portal opened in the caverns below Canterlot while another one popped up in some random, godforsaken shack in the Middle East. The Equestrian scientists would forever be immortalized as heroes who brought in a new age, while the terrorists would be hunted down, then captured and/or killed for the criminal charge of almost blowing up the universe and all life as we know it.

And the rest, as they say, is history. People reacted as you may expect, but after a couple of years and after tensions had died down, Earth and Equestria began to interact on more friendly terms. Us humans, being naturally paranoid creatures, found it slow to trust the ponies, or any of the other races for that matter, despite or perhaps because of how similar they were to us.

...

Oh, but look at me rambling on. You probably have no idea what the ponies look like, do you? Funny thing about them, they call themselves ponies, yet they look nothing like the ponies from back home. I mean, heck, they pretty much look like people. See, physically speaking, their bodies have the exact same dimensions as ours(arms, legs, hands and feet); except for their faces which look like you might expect from one of those furry animal/human hybrid things from Japanese anime. Oh, yeah, and unicorns have horns, pegasi have wings and earth ponies have neither. They all have tails though. Fur, too. No, not like fur from your dog or anything like that. While ponies' bodies are almost all covered in fur, it is so short and so fine, that unless you looked really closely, you wouldn't be able to tell it from skin.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes our history and physiology lesson for the day. Now, what was I talking about again? Ah, right, going to Ponyville.

I was starving six hours into the trip(I left at freakin' five in the morning) and though the train did in fact have a food trolley, the meals were not included in the ticket. My parents had allowed me to keep a few hundred bits in case of an emergency, but given that this paltry sum was all I had, I did not want to spend it frivolously. That, and the fact that the food looked and smelled to be on par with that slop they served at the school cafeteria.

I tried to hold out, I really did; but eventually, my hunger won out and I purchased a small, no doubt heavily processed cake and a minute carton of milk. Do you have any idea how depressing it is to eat steak, lobster and foie gras-esque food on a daily basis and then suddenly revert back to this kind of trivial, substandard fare? It sucks. Hard.

It didn't help that my taste buds had become so used to upper class dining that in comparison, the train food tasted about as good as a sweaty, filthy, never before washed gym sock and no, I will not tell you how I know what a sweaty, filthy, never before washed gym sock tastes like.

The ride in between the towns was not too bad. The people kept to themselves and did not bother me with small talk, something I could definitely get behind. On another note, the countryside of Equestria was freakin' gorgeous and suffice it to say, it was a treat in itself being able to see it firsthand.

We got into a bit of a delay going in at a town when the train had to stop as a herd of cows had decided to graze in the middle of the tracks. Let me tell you, those fuckers took their sweet time in getting out of the way. The train conductor guy tried to get them to disperse by blowing the horn as loudly and as frequently as he could, but it did not seem to affect the lactating bovoids. Honestly, I didn't understand why he couldn't just run them over. I mean, they were all going to become hamburger at some point, right?

Well, eventually the cows moved on and some time later I arrived at my destination of Ponyville. It was as hick, podunk and backwoods as I expected; well, compared to Manehattan, at least. The houses were built in some medieval style, complete with thatched straw roofs. Primitive, yes and probably not too safe but it did add a rustic, picturesque sort of charm to the place. The train stopped at the station and I heaved a heavy sigh as I picked up my lone suitcase and proceeded to enter into the fresh hell that awaited me.

I swear, I was literally the only person getting off the train. No sooner had I stepped out that I saw two earth pony mares, an older and a younger one holding on to a sign that bore my name. I made my way over and took in the appearance of my two hosts.

The little one had vibrant red hair tied into a ponytail and her coat was a mellow yellow. She was clad in a white, polka dot shirt along with a pair of jean overalls that were clearly smudged in dirt and on her little feet she wore a pair of worn tennis shoes. Her eye caught mine and she flashed me a toothy grin that complimented the smattering of freckles on her face. Sweet Luna of Kahuna! I just wanted to go over and pinch her little redneck cheeks.

The older one eyed me more carefully. She was not especially tall, but she definitely had a sturdy built to her. Her coat was orange and her hair blond. Fake or natural, I couldn't really tell and much like the little one beside her, her hair(and tail) was tied into a ponytail and her face was complimented by a smattering of freckles. She sported a checkered red and white buttoned shirt and... was that an apple on her jeans? Make that three apples. Three apples embroidered in the fabric of her jeans. The stetson hat was a nice touch, but in my opinion, the cowboy boots were a bit overboard. I mean, really, it's like she went out of her way to dress the part of the hillbilly, redneck farmer.

Well, it's not like I can judge or anything. My parents had woken me at an ungodly hour to make the train and I was so sleepy at the time, I changed into whatever clothes I could reach first. I reached the girls and for a moment, no words were said as the older girl and I locked gazes, silently sizing up the other.

The blonde's eyes, a gorgeous green I might add, gave me a once over in a judgemental manner. I don't think she was impressed.

The little girl decided to break the silence. "Hullo there, mister and welcome to Ponyville!" Gaah! That accent of hers! I swear, if I get diabetes from this sweet little thing, I will sue her family so hard that... they'll... give me... money.

…

What? Not all of them can be winners. Bite me.

I gave the little one my best winning smile and pleasantly introduced myself.

"Nice ta meetcha mister! My name's Applebloom and this here's my sister Applejack!" she pointed enthusiastically to the older girl.

Applejack spared me a nod of greeting and extended her hand. Hoo, boy! This girl is clearly used to down and dirty work. Her hand was not big or anything, but it was the hand of someone who worked with it on a consistent basis. I shook her hand and she squeezed a little too hard. Call me paranoid, but I suspect she did it on purpose.

She withdrew her hand and spoke in a cool voice. "Howdy. You're the city slicker what'll be staying with us?" she asked in a slightly strained voice, a corner of her lips wrinkling in vague distaste.

Wow. Either this girl is not a people person or I did something to make her mad. That, or she's just an unpleasant sort. Her face remained largely neutral and void of expression. Shame. She does have gorgeous green eyes.

But I did not let that detract me. I did not wish to be here, yes. And I did not want to be in the company of someone who clearly holds some sort of animosity towards me, however misguided it might be. But what's done is done and I was to stay in Ponyville and live with this grouchy redneck whether I liked it or not. The last thing I needed was to exacerbate things for myself by being an ass. So I choked back my pride and a number of choice words I so dearly wished to unleash upon her.

I kept my friendly smile and answered as pleasantly as I could. "That would be me," I nodded graciously. "It's nice too meet you, Applejack."

She nodded back and managed a halfhearted smile before looking at my suitcase. "Well, if that's all you're bringing then come along. Bloomy and I will show you to Sweet Apple Acres."

And we did just that. There was no time for sightseeing, not that I wanted to anyway, and we merely cut across the town. Applejack stayed mostly silent while Applebloom kept jabbering away in that cute little accent of hers, keeping the situation from becoming _too_ awkward; bless her little heart. She pointed out a number of buildings in town, one of them being a very... colorful and delicious looking pastry shop. I did a double take the first time I saw it and was tempted to go and take a bite of the building itself. It looked that good.

There was something peculiar about the town. More girls than guys. This was not unusual in and of itself. It was a well known fact that in Equestria, females tended to outnumber the males by a wide margin; but this ratio seemed even more uneven than usual in Ponyville. I swear, I've only seen about ten guys so far. Meh, not that I'm complaining. For some reason or another, pretty much all Equestrian mares are freakin' cute and/or gorgeous so there was eye candy aplenty all around. I suppose this Ponyville will not be all bad.

As we trekked on, I couldn't help but notice I caught the attention of the locals. Nothing too bad or weird. They stared at me in curiosity for a few moments and then they went about their business. I would later come to learn that Ponyville has had maybe six human visitors total.

Oh, yeah, and a good portion of the population was naked.

See, clothes hadn't really been a thing until humans came to Equestria. Yeah, before we came here, pretty much all ponies walked around in the nude.

Why do humans wear clothes religiously and ponies don't? Could be a number of reasons. Me, I'd like to believe it's in part due to the fact that ponies are relatively hardy and don't need clothes to protect them from the elements. And, on the other side of the spectrum, I would venture that the reason humans wear clothing is due to some combination of church and faith and sex and ideals and maybe a little bit of brainwashing. Ponies have had neither as they can worship Celestia, who's pretty much the avatar of the sun and if going commando is good enough for her, then it's good enough for everyone else.

On a totally unrelated note, a recent survey of Earth confirmed that Equestria was the number one travel destination for all males over the age of thirteen.

But again, clothes. They had really picked up steam after trade started between Earth and Equestria, but for ponies, clothes were really only used as an expression of style and character. As far as they were concerned, going nude was a perfectly normal thing.

And again, eye candy. It would take some kind of superhuman willpower to keep my eyes from straying once in a while; and guess what? I got caught staring. More than once, mind you. A few of them rolled their eyes in annoyance, but made no effort to cover themselves. The rest? Well... they giggled like schoolgirls(a couple of them_ were _schoolgirls), winked salaciously and did a number of teasing, flirty gestures.

Hot... fucking... damn.

Whoops. Better keep it in my pants. Applejack saw everything and I did _not _like that borderline homicidal look in her face.

Man, she was really building herself up to blow and was no doubt about to unleash a stream of verbal abuse before I was saved by a voice calling out behind us.

"Applejack! Applejack, wait up!"

Coming up beside us was a unicorn girl perhaps a head shorter than me. Her figure was slender and a bit on the petite side, but you could certainly tell she was of the female gender. She had styled her violet hair into a neat, ordered style. She sported blue, denim pants that stopped shy of her ankles and wore a white, perfectly pressed shirt underneath a lavender sweater vest. On her feet were a pair of sneakers adorned with a purple star and just like the rest of her they were impeccably clean and neat; and to complete the package, a number of books were precariously cradled in her arms and on her face was a pair of stylish horn rimmed glasses.

She looked every bit the part of the cute, nerdy girl.

Helloooooo baby! Where have you been all my life?

What? I have a thing for cute, nerdy girls. Bite me.

"Howdy, Twilight. What brings you here?" Whoa. Applejack's attitude just flipped a switch. She greeted this Twilight with a genuinely warm smile and a friendly disposition. So... what? Was she acting cool towards me because she dislikes me? Probably, but what did I ever do to this girl? Whatever, I'll just have to work around it.

These two were probably good friends, given how comfortable they were around each other. After exchanging pleasantries,Twilight asked Applejack about some project or other in the farm; I'm guessing Sweet Apple Acres? Anyway, this Twilight used a string of advanced words and terminology that further cemented my belief she was the studious, nerdy type. Heh. What do you know? Maybe this summer won't be a total drag.

Well, something must have excited the bookish girl, because her eyes lit up, she began to speak faster than normal and proceeded to bounce on the balls of her feet. Adorable. As Twilight grew more excited, her vocabulary steadily became more complex and sophisticated that it was nearly impossible to follow her train of thought.

I wanted to laugh out loud at the expression on Applejack's face. She clearly had no idea what was coming out of her friend's mouth, the dumb hick. Now, I'm a bit more well read than most seventeen year olds, so I was able to follow Twilight's diatribe to a degree. The gist of it was this; harvesting season was coming to Sweet Apple Acres and in order to lessen the workload for the farmers, Twilight had devised an ingenious way to enchant some apple carts to move by themselves. Why? Not sure. But if I were to guess I'd say it's because so that after the carts were full of apples they would head to some destination where they could be unloaded, saving on the manpower needed to haul them across. That's a reasonable guess, right?

Eventually, Twilight ran out of steam because she suddenly noticed my presence which, in my opinion, is a bit of a stretch given I was next to Applejack the whole time. "Oh, hello. Please forgive my rudeness, I did not mean to ignore you. My name is Twilight Sparkle and _you_ must be Applejack's house guest for the summer."

She extended a petite hand, which I graciously took and brought up to give a light peck of the lips. That right there elicited a little start from the girl and a faint rosy tint to her cheeks. "It's a pleasure, Twilight Sparkle. I take it you're a good friend of Applejack's?"

"I-I am. Yes."

"Well," I said briskly. "I am impressed with what you were talking about just now. To attempt such a network of runes and enchantments on a multitude of objects and making sure they all perform at peak efficiency is truly an ambitious task!" Applejack narrowed her eyes at me, though I didn't notice and Twilight's face gained a pleasantly surprised look. "If you don't mind my asking, how are you going to form a stable connection that will animate the apple carts and in turn converge them into a path that will lead them to one specific destination? Aren't you worried that a myriad of enchantments and runes working in close proximity will cause a harmonic discordance to each other?"

Hey, I may be a human, but I've been living in Equestria all my life. I do know a thing or two about magic, even if it's only rhetorical stuff.

She smiled a cute little smile before answering. "Y-yes. But I've been working on a way to circumvent this problem. There are certain gems that are able to hold a certain amount of magic within them; like a little magic container. The problem is, none of the gems I have tested so far, and I have tested most, do not have a sufficiently large storage capacity. My thinking is that if we were to combine different types of gems, the resulting product may possess a capacity large enough to hold the amount of enchantments and runes necessary for the project to succeed. My friends and I have been pooling our resources to find as many different types of gems as we can and are bringing them to the blacksmith so he can fuse them into different types. With any luck, there's a synthesized gem out there with the qualities we are looking for."

I put on my best impressed look. "Well, color me impressed! It's not often you meet a girl whose looks are on par with her brains." I finished with an imperceptible wink. Twilight's reaction was adorable. She ducked her head and looked away coquettishly, a light giggle escaping her lips and her ears lowered in bashfulness. Hmm. It wasn't even that good a line. It was kinda lame, now that I think about it. Wonder if she's just guy shy or not used to getting compliments.

"O-oh. Thank you. I mean, I-I do like to study..."

Unfortunately, I did nor find out what she liked to study as everything from then on came out as a series of mumbles. Hmm. Me, I'm leaning towards guy shy on this one. I should probably help her out. "You like to study... what? Magic?"

"That's right!" said Applebloom's peppy voice beside me. Huh. Kinda forgot she was there. "Twilight loooves to study magic! It's her special talent! Why, she's so good at it, Princess Celestia took her as her own personal student!"

Uhh. What? I looked at Twilight, who was fidgeting in discomfort, books held protectively in front of her and looking anywhere but in my direction. "Really? You're..._ that_ Twilight Sparkle?" I asked slowly.

Yes, I'd heard about her before. I mean, it's not like it's a state secret or anything. Still, I never actually knew _where _she lived. The most basic of searches on the web did not turn anything up and I really couldn't be bothered to dig deeper. No reason to.

Okay, I'm obviously missing something here because Twilight looks like she wants to be anywhere but here. What, she doesn't like people knowing about it?

She shifted from one leg to the other uneasily "Y-yes. That's me," she said sullenly.

Damn, girl! What's the big deal? I was about to ask her about it, but Applejack decided to butt in.

"Hey now, I don't mean to be rude, but we really should get goin'. There's a heapin' of work to do at the farm an' I want to get it done 'fore it gets dark."

Twilight seemed to perk up at this. "R-right! And I need to go catalog the different properties of the gems we have!" She turned to me. "It was nice to meet you. Goodbye." And she went off who knows where.

Okay, that was odd. I was broken out of my reverie by a none too gentle elbow on the side, courtesy of Applejack. She gave me this stony look and cocked her head to the side, telling me to move my ass. I grudgingly complied and followed suit, little Applebloom being none the wiser of the tension between me and her sister as we made our way to Sweet Apple Acres.

* * *

><p><strong>Don't know if you can tell, but I had a blast writing this chapter! See you soon.<strong>


	3. Sweet Apple Acres

I'll spare you the details of our terribly exciting walk to Sweet Apple Acres. Suffice it to say, the orchard was hella big. Oh, and Applejack's house looked like something straight out of the 1950's. Not that that's a bad thing, mind you.

"That's our house, mister! Do ya like it?!" said Applebloom bouncing in excitement and pointing a little finger at said house, her big eyes looking at me in anticipation.

"It's... quaint."

Applebloom blinked. "What's 'kuwaint' mean?"

"Means I like it."

Her adorable face broke into an adorable smile. "Oh, okay then!" she then bounded towards the house, humming a merry tune along the way, leaving me alone with Applejack.

We walked in awkward silence, and I had no intention to break it. Thankfully, Applejack seemed to be thinking along the same line.

Applebloom was waiting for us at the entrance. "Hurry up, mister! Granny and Big Mac have been waitin' to meet you!" she took my hand and slammed open the door, tugging me along into the house. These earth ponies, man. They're pretty freaking strong, even the little ones like Applebloom.

She led me through the rustic but tastefully decorated interior and into a living room.

Anyways, right after we got there, I was greeted by Applejack's family. Granny Smith, a portly old lady with a screechy voice; and Big Mackintosh, who was freakin' huge and whose means of communication was mostly limited to 'eeyup' and 'nope'. Not the greatest conversationalist, but at least he seemed like a decent fellow.

Something I quickly learned about the Apple family, they really did take their apples seriously. There were all kinds of apple based goodies made in anticipation of my arrival. Apple pie, apple tarts, apple turnovers, apple bread, apple cider, apple salad, apple cookies, apple stew, god_damn_ that's a lot of apples!

And then for the kicker, little Applebloom looked at me with a smile and those big, innocent eyes, telling me in that annoyingly sweet voice of hers that the whole family, even her own widdle self, had participated in making all the dishes in preparation for my arrival. Kind of made me want to hug the little tyke, but that would be unmanly and awkward, so I didn't. That, and the fact that I'd only known her for less than an hour and I did _not _want to come off as some child-hugging weirdo.

I have to say, that there kind of humbled me a little. And, in turn, it kind of depressed me a little as well. Why? Because ponies are strictly vegetarian. Seriously, they can't even eat meat without getting sick; that means no more steak, no more fall-off-the-bone baby backs, no more fried chicken, burgers, sausage, tacos or anything else that makes life worth living. Fuck my life.

Well, I said the necessary pleasantries and after that was done, the four of us sat down to partake in the veritable feast. It was _gooood. _We ate and made polite conversation, though Applejack stayed mostly silent.

Still, the good times couldn't last and after we were done eating and the plates were cleared away(I helped a bit), it was time to go to work. Being a farm, there was no shortage of stuff to do at Sweet Apple Acres. Granny Smith and Applebloom would do the lighter chores around the house while Big Mackintosh(or Big Mac, as he preferred to be called) and Applejack took care of the heavier workload.

Now, it was expected of me to help around but even so, Granny Smith, being the awesome old lady that she is, asked me if I was not too tired from the train ride here and if I was, then I would be allowed to take the day off to rest. Hoo, boy! I was more than tempted to take her up on the offer, but Applejack was standing right behind the kooky old lady and _man, _that look she was giving me, it's like she dared me to say no.

Okay, at this point I was getting fed up with her pissy attitude. Sure, I could have taken Granny Smith up on her offer but I would be damned if I let some grouchy, backwoods yokel look down on me. And so, no matter how much it pained me, no matter how much my inner slacker yelled at me _'No! Don't do it, man! For the love of all that is good and holy, don't do it!' _I gritted my teeth and politely declined the offer, telling Granny Smith I was pumped up for work.

Her face broke out into a beaming smile. "Well! Good for you, sonny. It does my old bones good to see there is some young folk left who do not shy from hard work."

I chuckled uneasily, wondering if I should have kept my big, fat mouth shut. "Not a problem, ma'am," I said, waving a hand. "You opened your home to me and you went to a lot of trouble to make me feel welcome." That wasn't a lie. She really had. "Really, it's the least I could do to say thank you."

She smiled warmly at me and gave my arm an affectionate squeeze. "My, my. You're a good colt. I can tell, you are goin' to fit right in."

She turned to Applejack. "AJ take this nice young 'un and show him how we Apples harvest apples," she giggled at her joke.

Applejack's eye twitched. "Uh. I dunno, granny. Can't Big Mac show 'im instead?"

Granny Smith waved a hand. "Nonsense! Your brother has already started with his work. Besides, it would do you good to spend some time with other colts your age. If you ask me, it's about darn time you find a special somepony!"

Applejack's eyes shot open and she ducked her face away, tipping down the brim of her hat to cover her face. "G-granny! Honestly, you..." she muttered under her breath and eventually looked at me. She sighed, possibly in defeat and said. "Come on, then, slicker. Let's see what we can make of you."

I bade one last thank you to Granny Smith and followed Applejack outside. She led us in silence to a section of the apple orchard in which there were various straw, possibly handmade baskets and a few carts for hauling.

"Alright, slick, here's how's it all gonna go. Imma get up and collect the apples in them there baskets. When they're full, you stack 'em in the carts and when those are full, you haul them ta the barn and unload them. Then bring the carts back and do it all over again."

Okay, just carrying and pulling stuff. That's not too bad, right? "Alright, let's get started!" I said briskly, clapping my hands.

Applejack smirked. "Try and keep up, why don'tcha."

Aaand what did she mean by that? I got a... strangely ominous feeling. Anyway, Applejack went and took out a ladder in one of the carts. She propped it against a nearby tree and took off her boots. When that was done, she then climbed up and _hooooolyyyyyy shiiiiiiiiet!_ Dat ass!

…

Gah! No! Don't do it man! There's plenty of cute mares out there to ogle and I don't even wanna _think_ what Applejack will do to me if she catches me trying to sneak a peek. No, that just won't do; so I looked anywhere but in her direction, taking the time to appreciate the sheer size of the orchard while the pony worked on filling up the baskets.

I was only able to look around for less than a minute before I heard Applejack's rich, southern twang. "Hey, slicker! Stop loafin' and git to work!"

I sighed and looked towards the irascible girl and...

...da fuq?

Right where Applejack had been was now a basket, full to the brim with apples. Applejack had already moved on and was working another tree with ridiculous skillz, plucking the fruits at a lightning fast pace and tossing them over her shoulder where they all landed neatly on the basket.

I stared dumbstruck at the spectacle and no sooner had Applejack finished and already starting the next tree that she looked at me with a smug smile and said, "Oi! Get going!"

I blinked stupidly before registering her words and got to work. I bent down to get a good grip on the basket and heaved. Oof. Kinda heavy. I walked over to the nearby cart and plopped the basket down and when I turned, Applejack was again working on another tree. This girl is a machine!

That was pretty much how things went. Applejack filled the baskets at an ungodly speed while I struggled to catch up. When the cart was full, Applejack pointed me in the direction of the barn, so I went and wow, that sonuvabitch was heavy! It was one of those carts with handles stretching out on either side and connected at the end so if I chose to, I could pull it or get in between the handles and push. Neither method was particularly easy. Now, I was not the most active guy around. Sure, I worked out every other day and there was _some _definitive muscle mass in my body. Didn't make much of a difference.

Well, by the time I got to the barn(was it about ten minutes or a few hours? Could've been either way) I was sweating like a pig and my poor legs were ready to give out. My stomach hurt and the heat was giving me a headache. Nevertheless, I pushed on. I unloaded the cart and man, those baskets seemed to have tripled in weight. Fuckin' apples, conspiring against me. When that was done, I hauled the cart back to the grove and when I got there, the sight before me _almost_ made me cry.

Every single apple tree; every... single... fucking... one of them, was picked clean with full baskets near the trunks. My eye twitched... violently, and then a series of chuckles rang out. I slowly craned my head to look at Applejack, munching on one of those accursed fruits and leaning against a tree, her eyes glinting maliciously.

"Whassa matter, sugarcube? Yer not about to back out on me, are you?"

Dang. I had no idea how long I stood there watching her. What I do know is that my jaw clenched, my sphincter clamped shut and my whole body trembled with rage. Just where the hell did this girl get off tormenting me?! No, seriously, why is she being such a bitch?

Whatever the case, I knew I couldn't lose my cool at this moment. Oh, ho, ho; it was tempting, believe me but I was currently in her house, her land, her domain and if she chose to, she could make life very miserable for me. So once again I swallowed my pride and put on a convincing smile. "Of course not. I'm just getting started."

I then ignored her and got to work, humming a jaunty melody while picking up another basket and ignoring my arms' agonized screams. Applejack stopped chewing on the apple and her smile faded a little. Her eyebrow arched as she watched me work and me, I just did my best to pretend she wasn't there.

After a few moments watching me work, she snorted. "Alright, slicker, I'll just leave ya to it." She tossed the apple over her shoulder and made her way towards me. "And try not to hurt youself. Best you keep in good shape..." Huh. Is she worried about me? "...because there's a whole lot more work waitin' after today." Tch. Figures.

She clapped me on the shoulder with her freakish earth pony strength, went to pick up her boots and set off to who knows where, leaving me all alone. Well, on the bright side, she was gone. On the downside, she was probably gonna go cook up some more fresh hell for me. But that was future me's problem; he should be able to handle it, maybe. With that in mind, I went over to the nearest basket, wanting to just get the work over with and lifted. There was a splintering sound, numerous thuds and apples rolling in all directions. I looked over and saw a gaping hole on the basket's underside.

...

Fuck my life.

* * *

><p>One and a half hours later and my body was sore and soaking with sweat all over. I was hauling the last of the cargo towards the barn; just one last basket of apples, thankfully. Anyway, during the trips I made, I spotted a small, clean pond off into the distance.<p>

...

Oh, what the hell. I'd been busting my ass getting this work done, surely it's not too much to ask to take a few minutes to cool off? Whatever, it's freaking hot and I'm covered in sweat and dirt. I made my way over and took off my clothes, leaving them by a massive oak tree that shaded the whole pond, keeping only my underwear on. I slipped into the water and _ohhhh, baby_; I swear, every pore in my body just orgasmed at the same time. I giggled like a maniac and splashed about, revelling in the feel of the cool water. Ah, it was nice. Just me by myself, alone, with no one around.

"It really is nice," I mumbled to no one in particular.

Imagine my surprise when a voice giggled right behind me. "What's nice?"

...

...

...

Okay, okay, just take it easy. That's not Applejack's voice. Too peppy and squeaky. I slowly turned around and was greeted to the sight of a very wet, very pink and very naked earth pony mare. Has she been there the whole time? Aaaand she's staring at me. Why is she staring at me? And why does she have that smile on her face? Uhh, shhhhoot. What am I supposed to do here? Oh, right she asked me something, didn't she?

I gulped and forced myself to look at her face and only her face. It's times like these that I'm envious of stallions. They get aroused just like humans, yes but they can also choose when to let their you-know-what's out of their sheaths and out for everyone to see. Lucky bastards. Me, no such luck.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not entirely unfamiliar with the opposite sex. This _is_ Equestria, after all; and in case that doesn't mean much to you, let me clarify by stating that Equestria is the kind of place where you actually have to _try _to keep your chastity intact. Even in Manehattan, you see plenty of mares going around in the buff and, having grown up in Equestria, I am more desensitized to this kind of thing.

But, you know... I _am_ still a guy.

And a human.

And a teenager.

And no matter how much practice I may have controlling myself, there are simply times when your body overrides all higher thought processes and does what it was meant to do.

Which is why I forced myself to look only at her face. Her very cute face. I did not look at the way numerous water droplets cascaded from her impossibly curly hair and into her soft, pudgy body. And I most certainly did_ not_ look at the way those droplets made their way over, under and around her bountiful breasts, nor the way they clung to her taut, perky nipples. Nope. I stared at her face and at her face only.

"The... water. It's nice," I said in a slightly choked voice.

She nodded enthusiastically. "It sure is! Especially on a hot day like this! And ice! That's nice too! Especially when you put it in lemonade with lots and lots of sugar! Ooh, but not limeade. Those are not as sweet and are more tart. I really like sweet stuff, you know. In fact, I like it so much that I even got a job at Sugarcube Corner! It's the bestest job in the world because I get to talk to ponies all day and make all kinds of goodies and give them to ponies and watch the smiles on their faces when they take a bite of the food I make and it's the bestest, most splendiferous feeling in the world! Ooh, ooh, and parties! I'm the best party throwerer in Ponyville and I've thrown parties for all Ponyville ponies but you're not a pony and when I saw you I just knew I had to come and say hi! Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie! What's yours?"

...

"U-um..."

She tilted her head to the side, still smiling that damnably cute smile. "Um? That's not a name, silly. It's a sound. Ooh, but you're a human, aren't you? Do humans call themselves by sounds instead of names? Does that mean that there are humans called Ooh or Ah or Eh or Eep or Op..."

Okay, I pretty much tuned out everything she said after that. Why is that, you may ask? Well, because the more she talked, the more excited she seemed to get. And the more excited she seemed to get, the more she began to bounce in place. Everything that was her bouncing and... bouncing and... moving and... jiggling and... wow. Just... wow, trust me on this.

...

"...and then I said, 'Oatmeal? Are you crazy!?'" She paused to take in a great gulp of air and just looked at me with that smile in an expectant manner.

Uhh, what should I say?

"So, do you make it a habit to sneak up on stallions who are bathing? You're not some sort of pervert, are you?"

Gotta give props to this girl. Her poker face was impeccable. That, or she's oblivious, because she still stared at me with that happy smile and shook her head. "Nopety nope."

Well, so much for that. Whatever. If she's got some business with me or something, I'm just gonna wait until she comes out and says it. Or, I could just leave. Yeah, let's go with that.

"Well, Pinkie Pie, it's been a pleasure but unfortunately, I must cut this meeting short 'cause I got a lotta work to get back to." And with that in mind, I started to wade my way out. Oh, wait. I'm wearing nothing but my underwear right now.

...

Meh, whatever. If she wants to get a good look, then so be it.

"Ooh, wait! Are you that human that's staying with Applejack?"

Hoooold it!

I turned to face the deliciously pudgy pink pony. "I am, yes. Why? Are you friends with Applejack?"

She nodded vigorously. "Uh-huh. Me and Applejack are super duper friends! And we are also super duper friends with our other friends! Their names are Rainbow Dash and Rarity and Fluttershy and Twi..." I silenced her by placing a finger on her lips, causing Pinkie to blink in confusion.

So, this Pinkie Pie was good friends with Applejack as well, huh? Gotta imagine, if Applejack really told this girl about my imminent arrival, Pinkie should have an inkling that maybe Applejack was not too happy to have me here. And yet, Pinkie has been very open and friendly with me. Hmm, this gives me an idea.

...

Yes. Yes!

I withdrew my finger from her lips and put on my best sheepish look. "A-ah. Sorry about that."

Pinkie giggled and waved a hand dismissively. "No problemo."

Good, good.

"So, Pinkie, tell me a little bit about yourself," I said pleasantly.

"Cupcakes!"

Uhh. "Cup... cakes?" I parroted.

"Mm-hmm. Cupcakes are my favorite food, especially when they are fresh out of the oven. They're warm and sweet and tasty and they're the best thing to eat in the world!" All of a sudden, her eyes popped open and she let out a happy gasp. "Ooh, I know! You should totally come to Sugarcube Corner and help me make cupcakes someday! We'll have lots of fun and then we can eat them and after that, I can introduce you to my friends and I'm sure they'll be delighted to meet you!" And she still looked at me with that happy smile, her shining blue eyes looking at me expectantly.

I put a hand to my chin and pretended to think it over. "Hmm. That does sound lovely, Pinkie. But I'm gonna be very busy helping Applejack with the chores at the farm. I probably won't have much free time to hang out with you."

Damn. Pinkie's reaction was a bit unsettling. She let out a small, little 'oh' and then, I swear to God, she literally seemed to deflate a bit. Even her hair! Aw, shoot, now I feel bad. Did she really want to make cupcakes with me that much? Well... I suppose I can find some free time, eventually. Goddamn conscience.

I waded my way over to her and put an arm around her shoulders, making sure to speak in a cheery, reassuring tone. "Hey, now! None of that. Sure, maybe I can't do that right now, but I'm sure I can find time to spend with my new friend!"

Her attitude did a complete one eighty, as did her hair. These ponies, man. I just don't get them sometimes.

"R-really? You want to be friends?" She was looking at me as if the answer would either make or break her sanity.

"Yes."

"Yay! I made a new friend! I love making new friends!" She accentuated her actions by pulling me into a tight, full body hug. Now, keep in mind, she is completely naked while all I'm wearing is a pair of underwear.

...

...

Supple and bouncy...

...

...in all the right places.

And all this close contact with a cute female is causing me a certain... dilemma. I pulled out of her embrace, chuckling awkwardly. "Yeah. Hu-hurray for... friends," I said lamely.

Well, now that that was over with, I continued to engage Pinkie in small talk and boy, was she a handful; always switching from topic to topic at the drop of a hat, which was quite bothersome considering I wanted to focus her attention on a few choice topics. Which topics, you may ask? Why, Appejack of course. Why Applejack? Well, you'll just have to wait and find out, now won't you? For the moment, all you need to know is that I started working on a... contingency plan, should Applejack keep on being insufferable.

For the moment, I'll keep on being polite to my most gracious host, but I swear to God and Celestia and Luna and maybe even Cthulhu that if her disposition keeps on being bitchy, I will be forced to take... preventative measures. And of course, the first rule of war is know thy enemy; something with which Pinkie had been a huge help with. Heh. You know what? She's actually a fun sort. Random and unpredictable. Keeps things interesting. I made full well on my promise to help her with her cupcake thingies and was actually looking forward to it.

But I've wasted enough time as it is. Applejack will probably be pissed that I took so long to get back, but given the veritable mountain of ammunition I just gained, I'd say it was worth it. And with that in mind, I bade goodbye to Pinkie Pie with the promise of a bake date. I got out of the pond and made for my clothes, and don't think I didn't notice Pinkie's eyes flickering down there, if only for a split second.

Before I had a chance to put on my clothes, Pinkie decided to jump out and give me an extra long, extra tight hug before dashing away in the blink of an eye. Again, I just don't get these ponies. Anyway, I gathered my clothes and, after making sure no one was around, I made towards a cluster of bushes that were big enough to hide me from sight. Now, if you will all give me some privacy, I need to go and take care of a... problem.

* * *

><p><strong>What dastardly schemes could our protagonist have in store for Applejack? Tune in next week and find out. <strong>


	4. The Plan

Welp, I was right. Applejack was not too happy to see me come back so late.

"Tell me, slick, how exactly does it take two hours to get a few measly baskets of apples ta the barn?" Her eyes were hard and her arms and legs crossed as she leaned back against the doors to the barn.

A few? A few!? "There were over four dozens baskets. I know, I checked," I said in a deadpan.

"Hmph," she smirked. "I coulda done it in less than half the time it took you."

"Well, whoop-de-doo for you. I still got it done, didn't I?"

Applejack did not respond immediately. Rather, she arched an eyebrow and scratched her chin. "That you did, slicker. Kinda surprised, though. I thought you'd be running back to mommy and daddy right about now. Who knows, maybe we can make a stallion out of you yet."

My eyes narrowed. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

She uncrossed her limbs and slowly walked towards me. And, I know I was the taller of the two but damn, there was something about this girl that kept me rooted to the spot. She walked in a cool, confident stride. Her gait was... graceful, in a way; no movement wasted. "What I mean, city colt, is that your type don't belong in places like this. Farm life is full of honest and hard labor. You are soft and I'd wager all the apples in Equestria you'd never done an honest day's work before just now."

Wh-what!? How dare she!? I too have done plenty of honest and hard work!

…

Okay, yeah, I haven't. Between dad being an accountant, mom being a pharmacist and me winning the lottery a few months back, we have never been strapped for cash, and being the only child, my parents had spoiled me rotten. But still! How dare this pony just go and make assumptions about me!?

I crossed my arms or, well, I would have if I was not holding that last basket of apples. "Yeah? And what makes you think I haven't done a hard day's work?"

She poked my chest with a finger. "Because all you city folk are all alike. Livin' it up high in your fancy schmancy penthouses and tecklology, lording your good fortune over everypony else."

My eye twitched. Was this mare for real? "Uh-huh, yeah. And this comes from your extensive and in-depth knowledge of 'city folk' and the way they behave?"

"I know what I'm talkin' bout, slicker. I lived in Manehattan for a while when I was a filly, so yeah, this all comes from my 'in-depth knowledge' as you put it," she said lowly.

That's how you wanna play it, bitch? Fine. I got one last ace up my sleeve. "Really? Because from what I recall, it's thanks to my dad – a city folk, as you so aptly put it – that you and your family were not kicked out of this farm and forced to mooch off your relatives or anyone else who would have to take you in," I said triumphantly. Applejack's jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed, but I was not yet done. "And for the record, my dad would normally charge like five thousand bits for all the trouble he went through to save your farm, yet he did it out of the kindness of his own heart. So hah. I just poked a big hole in your 'city folk are all alike' argument. And FYI, it's pronounced technology."

Applejack's reaction was unsettling to say the least. She swallowed and her gaze hardened, giving me such a look that would have sent lesser creatures scurrying for the hills. Her muscles tensed, and I'd be willing to bet that the thought of knocking me on my ass crossed her mind once or twice.

Me, I wanted to slap myself for losing my cool. But really, can you blame me? In less than twenty four hours I'd woken up at a time no human being should be forced to endure, I left my awesome and cozy lifestyle behind to come to this cesspool of a town, I spent the better part of nine hours stuck in a tin can – with coach seats, I may add; I worked my ass to the bone that my whole entire body ached, and to top it all off, I'd practically been molested by a hyperactive pink pony.

…

Okay, maybe I did enjoy that last one. She had been really soft and warm and... curvy. Mmm. B-but still, my point remains! In less than a day my life had gone all kinds of topsy turvy, so you can understand if my patience and my nerves were in a bit of a frazzle at this point.

And Applejack? She stared at me, then she kept staring and stared some more. She moved and I just barely managed to keep myself from flinching. Without saying a word, she slowly made for the barn and opened the door. She circled back and stopped close enough for me to take in all the details of her face.

"You'd best put those apples away, slick. And stop by the house when you're done. Granny wants to see you," she said in a chillingly quiet voice.

And just like that, she left for the house without another word.

*sigh* I'm gonna pay for that, aren't I?

…

Shit.

After leaving the basketful of apples in the barn, I trudged towards the house where I found Applebloom, Big Mac and Granny Smith in the kitchen, snacking on, you guessed it, apple based treats. They invited me to join them and I readily did so, saying my thanks and munching on an apple dumpling.

Hmm. This could be a good opportunity to gather further intel.

"Will Applejack be joining us?" I asked no one in particular.

"Prolly not," said Applebloom's sweet little voice. "She's up on her room being all sulky."

Big Mac nodded solemnly. "Eeyup."

...

"Not sure if it's my imagination but, I don't think she's too happy to have me here," I said quietly.

Granny Smith gave me a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Don't let it get you down, sonny. AJ is a good filly and you're a good colt. Just give her some time, she'll warm up to you, I'm sure."

Better dig deeper.

"Well, do you know why that is? I mean, if I knew then maybe I could... you know, help her mellow out a bit."

It was Applebloom who answered. "I dunno. Maybe it's cause of that other hewman she was with."

Oh?

"Other human?"

"Eeyup."

"Yah. She had this coltfriend a few months back. He was a hewman, just like you, mister."

Ah. Ze plot, it thickens.

"You don't say? I'm guessing Applejack and this guy didn't part on friendly terms?"

Big Mac shook his head. "Nnnope."

"Nah, sis was happy with him when they first became a 'couple'," she said the word with a roll of her eyes. "They were together for a few weeks and then she got reaaaally angry with him an' he left the next day."

"Oh, well... I guess that explains it."

Great. Just great. Applejack had a crappy experience with some human dude and now she's taking it out on me. Whatever did I do to deserve this?

Whatever. I would have tried to squeeze a little more out of Applebloom, but I didn't want to push my luck. Nah, better to retreat and take stock of what I got. I looked at the living room clock and saw that it was nearly time for the sun to go down.

"So, where am I gonna be sleeping?"

* * *

><p>The barn. Apparently, I was gonna sleep in the barn. Was I supposed to sleep on the floor? No. Was I given a mattress, at least? No. Big Mac had provided a copious amount of hay which he kinda-sorta formed into a lump and then proceeded to cover said lump with a thick, scratchy looking blanket thing. Ta-da, my new bed.<p>

...

Just last night I drifted off in my deluxe CloudSleeper 9, made with only the finest and fluffiest cumulonimbus clouds. It provided such an awesome sleeping experience that even Celestia herself was rumored to have one in her private chambers. Cost a lot, too.

Have I mentioned just how much I hate my life right now?

Anyway, after Big Mac left, and I got comfortable - and I'm using that term very, extremely loosely - in my new bed, I began to pass the time by constructing my devious and brilliant plan against Applejack.

What do I know for sure? She got into a relationship with a human, he made her mad for some reason or another and now she dislikes me because of him. Heh, girls. Well, I'm not here to change her views on humanity, especially if she's fickle enough to be swayed by a pissy experience like that.

No, she can hate me for all I care, I just want her to get off my back. This is where my talk with Pinkie comes in. She filled me in with various details regarding Applejack. Honest to a fault, workaholic, stubborn, competitive, driven, maybe not as book smart as other girls in her age group; granted, Pinkie did not exactly phrase it like this but she did tell me various anecdotes and stories regarding the apple pony for me to make an educated guess.

An unexpected benefit of Pinkie's unfortunately fortunate tendency to ramble on and drift off-topic was her filling me in on the close circle of friends that she and Applejack shared. Now, one of the things that becomes most apparent to visiting humans is just how much emphasis ponies take stock on concepts like friendship and harmony. Yeah, ponies are relatively peaceful and mellow as a species. The last recorded civil war in Equestria had taken place more than a thousand years ago.

So, friendship and harmony. Ponies are taught to value these virtues at a very young age but Applejack and her friends have taken this one step further and, from what Pinkie had told me, seemed to have an unhealthy devotion to these concepts, believing them to be the answer to any conflicts or problems that arose.

But whatever. I'm not here to judge. No, my attention was more focused on how I can use this to my advantage. Friends. Friends. Yes, Applejack and her pals put great emphasis on their friendship. So, how do I get a surly, humanly disgruntled pony to get off my back? Why, by making friends, of course. No, not making friends with her. I could do that, probably; but given her attitude and stubbornness, this would most likely take a while. No, I wanted to get this over and done with as quick as possible.

However, Applejack seems to be best friends with the other five girls so my thinking is that if I too can get chummy with them, then Applejack herself will too lay off her pissy attitude. I'm not too worried about it. Ponies are, for the most part, open and friendly creatures so when I go to Pinkie Pie's bake date, I can score some major brownie points with her and in turn, she will tell her friends about me, giving me a good lead on them.

The way I see it, those five will come to see me as a good friend and in turn, after Applejack hears of my awesomeness, she too will have to bend over backwards and mellow out; and if she still won't give me a chance, then she will behave anyway, because how will it look to the others when she's being a bitch while I'm just a swell and likable guy who merely wants to get by? She'll be seen as a bully, a royal cunt, an unsightly stain on all that is good and kind! Yes! Yessss! It's glorious! It's perfect! It's flawless! There is no conceivable way it could possibly fail!

Heh, heh, heh. Yeah, you go and have a good night's sleep Applejack, because mark my words, one way or another I will see you become nice to me.

* * *

><p>The first week passed in a routinely manner. Big Mac or Applebloom would come and wake me up way before sunrise, and I would(inwardly) piss and moan about wanting to go back to sleep. After that, it was breakfast time at the house where Granny Smith would have - surprise, surprise - an assortment of apple-based foods waiting for us.<p>

As for the work, Applejack and Big Mac would take turns to show me around the farm and the many, never-ending list of chores that had to be done. It sucked. It really did. I worked with my hands day in and day out doing all kinds of sucky farm labor.

There was stuff like repairing stuff that broke down or needed a tune-up. I got a hella bunch of splinters from helping the she-devil tearing down and replacing an old fence and all the various kinds of work gave quite the workout to a bunch of muscles that I didn't even know I had, which in turn made my body protest in agony every time I so much as twitched. Fun.

And that little outburst I had with Applejack? Well, I was right. I did end up paying for it. Her attitude did not turn particularly bitchy or cunty, but she made the point of our relationship pretty obvious to say the least.

The morning after our little spat, she took me and instructed me to clean the cow pens. You know, that place where the fuckers poop and piss and lay down to sleep? Yeah, not too pleasant. Stunk, too. She gave me a pail and a shovel and a pair of ratty old gloves and said, "Go get 'em, cowcolt". The sun was barely even up and there I was, scooping up a vile mixture of hay, dirt, thrash and bodily excretions. I stunk for three days no matter how much soap or water I used and Applebloom refused to come anywhere near near me until the stink subsided.

So yeah, that was fun. Work, work, work. Do these ponies have any lives? Like, at all? Granted, they don't exactly spend the whole day working; just a big chunk of it. Me, I didn't leave the farm for the first week. Now, Granny Smith and Big Mac were not unreasonable. They gave me chores, yes, but they did not work me to death. That was more Applejack's thing.

But yeah, after work was done, I had quite a few hours of R&R to spend as I saw fit. What did I do with that time? Sleep, plot my fiendish plan and laze about as I was just too tired for anything else. After the first week, however, my body had grown used to the backbreaking labor or something, because by the time I was done with all my chores, I still had a good bit of energy to be up and about. Still kinda sore, though.

Anyway, given that I did not immediately plop down in exhaustion, I decided to take a shower and go about for a stroll through the town. There must be something, anything to do even in hick, backwoods Ponyville.

Twenty minutes later of wandering around and I was lost. Goddamn orchard, getting me lost in it's bigness. Yeah, I was standing on the edge of a grassy field and Ponyville nowhere in sight. Probably should have asked for directions, now that I think about it. With a defeated sigh, I was ready to turn back and try my luck at another direction, but something gave me pause.

There was a whooshing sound above, followed by a series of soft, thumping noises; kind of like the ones when you hit a pillow. I looked up and saw a rainbow colored streak zipping through the sky, hitting various clouds with pinpoint precision, disintegrating them into nothingness.

Damn, whoever it was it sped through the air, turning, zig-zagging and doing acrobatic maneuvers that would leave any self respecting gymnast to seethe in rage. In less than ten seconds, the cloudy sky had been rendered cloudless by this mystery figure who, now that the job was done, paused to appreciate her handiwork. A pegasus pony. Light blue coat, rainbow-haired(that's a first), and wearing a pair of workout short shorts that hugged her toned, slender legs in a very interesting manner, as well as a black sports bra and nothing else.

The pony looked around, searching for any stray clouds and, satisfied that there were none left, chuckled victoriously and pumped her arms in vigor. She then made to leave, but almost immediately after she renewed her flight, she caught sight of me by the corner of her eye. As soon as the pony registered my presence, she blinked and did a double take, squinting and moving a hand to block the glare of the sun.

Without warning, she did a complete nosedive, her wings nearly tucked in as she fell at dizzying speeds. For a moment there, I thought she was gonna splatter all over the place and I had just barely taken a step forward, a hand raised and a 'careful, you idiot!' about to escape my lips when she just barely pulled up; I swear, she was less than a foot from turning into mush.

She ascended gracefully and used the momentum to slingshot herself in my direction. She landed in a crouched position right in front of me and rose to her full height, her eyes glinting playfully and flashing me a cocky smirk. "Heya, stud. Like what you see?" She accentuated this by somewhat arching her back, which drew emphasis to her pert chest, and spreading her wings so that her plumage was in full view; a flirtatious gesture for pegasi.

I most certainly did. She was shorter than Applejack and had a lithe athletic build. Jesus Christ! You can practically _feel_ the tightness of her body! Not a trace of fat anywhere in sight. Trim, lean muscle everywhere you looked. She stood with her hands resting just above her waist, which was sticking out to the side in a manner that just drew your eyes to it. Well, you know, unless you're desensitized to this kind of stuff; like, say... me.

I kept a relatively neutral expression and shamelessly looked her body up and down. Hey, she obviously had no qualms about it. "Yes," I nodded.

The smirk stayed in place, though her eyes widened in pleased surprise. She chuckled and relaxed her posture, only for her wings to begin flapping and just barely lifting her form off the ground. She lazily fluttered towards me, her toes skimming the grass and her eyes appraising me as they looked up and down. "Well, well. A stallion who can appreciate awesomeness when he sees it." As she drew closer she rose just a little higher and slowly began circling me. She placed both hand against the back of her head and tilted her posture into a diagonal, almost horizontal position as she circled around me, giving me an absolutely _fantastic_ view. "You got a name, handsome?"

I introduced myself and... oh, screw it. This is gonna get tiresome real quick. I mean, yeah, I'm not gonna give you weirdos my actual name, but if you absolutely must call me something other than 'that guy,' it might as well be... "Anon. And you?"

Her smirk grew wider and her wings stopped flapping, landing her on the grass. Wow, she was kinda smallish. I could probably tuck my chin right above her head as it were. "Name's Rainbow Dash. Fastest flier in Equestria and someday soon, the newest member of the Wonderbolts," she declared boastfully.

Wow. This girl just oozed confidence. Wait, what? Did she say she was Rainbow Dash? The same Rainbow Dash who is best friends with Pinkie and Applejack? Scooore! I planned to begin the sucking up and ass kissing with Pinkie, but this is just as good an opportunity.

"So, what brings a human stallion all the way to little old Ponyville?"

Hmm, better play this by ear. I put on a sullen face. "Ehh, well, I kinda sorta acted out and my parents made me come all the way out here. I dunno. I think they think that being in the countryside will adjust my 'attitude,'" I said, doing that thing with the fingers.

Rainbow nodded sagely and "hmm'd" in agreement. She then blinked as she registered my words. "Wait. So, are you staying in Ponyville all by yourself?" A massive smile was threatening to break out, but she _mostly_ managed to contain it.

"Not exactly. My dad arranged for me to stay at that apple farm over there," I said waving my hand behind me. "He knew the previous owner and his family is okay with me staying over."

Rainbow's smile dipped a little. "Oh, alright. Wait, so, you're staying at Sweet Apple Acres?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

She now eyed me speculatively. "So you know Applejack, then."

I scratched my head and averted my gaze. "Um. Kind of, yeah. I mean, she's not really the... chatty sort, you know?"

Rainbow must have picked up on what I meant by that, because she gave me a sympathetic look. "Meh, don't let it get you down, big guy. Applejack's a good pony, just give her time," a pause followed. "Well, enough about that. What are you doing all the way out here? You didn't by any chance come to spy on me, did ya?" She waggled her eyebrows at me. "Because it's totally understandable if you did. An awesome pony like me _does_ have her share of admirers."

Wow. Ego much? "No, nothing like that," I said, chuckling bashfully. "I was trying to get to the town and look around. But... yeah, got a bit lost."

Rainbow's smile grew wider. "Well, today is your lucky day, because it just so happens I can take you there. What do you say?"

Heh. This is just too easy. I gave Rainbow a smile and cocked my head to the side. "Lead the way."

And she did. She led me out the orchard and into town and all the while, she had been consistently boasting about how fast and awesome a flier she was, that she knew the captain of the Wonderbolts and that she had even faced off against a manticore and a hydra. Yeah, didn't know what to make of that, so I just smiled and fawned over her. You could practically see her head swelling.

Looking back on it, I could tell she was trying to impress me. Why is that, you may ask? Well, because gender roles tend to be kinda sorta reversed in Equestria. You know how on crummy old Earth it's the dude that has to approach the girl and try to get her attention? He has to compliment her, and buy her gifts, and listen to her, and test the boundaries of where he can and can't touch and all that tired old shit?

Well, given that Equestria has such a skewed gender ratio, it's the mares that have to take the lead in this sort of stuff, as the stallions pretty much have their pick on who to choose. The mares tend to be the aggressors while the stallions get all uppity, they tease and generally are the ones who decide if there will be a relationship of some sort. You know, kind of like the girls back home.

It's for this reason that human males are so popular with mares. We both find the other as exotic and sexy and unlike stallions, human males are so much easier to lure into a relationship or into bed, given that both tend to have the same thing on their minds. That, and the fact that there are lots of us to keep them company.

Incidentally, there was a study by some evolution science guys on Earth a few years back. They theorized that the lack of stallions, and the competition that came over them, caused the mares to become more attractive and aesthetically pleasing in order to increase their chances of nabbing one.

She was also rather... touchy. But this was not too unusual. Ponies were much more affectionate and touch friendly than humans, although... her hand did stray very close to uncharted territory. She passed the time by telling jokes and I in turn subtly prodded her for more details on Applejack and her friends.

Anyway, we got to Ponyville and Rainbow gave an impromptu tour of the place. She pointed me to Sugarcube Corner, Carousel Boutique, home of her friend Rarity; and the treebrary where that Twilight girl lived; the perfect living space for a nerd. When that was done, she stopped by a juice stand that was being manned by a stallion. Rainbow got some kind of workout drink and then insisted on buying me something called Stallion's Delight. It was pretty good if a bit... grassy for my tastes. Nevertheless, I thanked her profusely and drank the whole thing.

That's pretty much how we spent the rest of the day. Rainbow mostly bragged and showed off while I stroked her ego. She told me stories of her adventures, some of which were a bit hard to believe. She led me through the town and introduced me to more ponies she was familiar with. The local schoolteacher, an absurdly built pegasus stallion with tiny wings, two more pegaus mares called Flitter and Cloudchaser and a minty green unicorn who literally drooled at the sight of me; Rainbow got me out of that pretty quick.

Oh, yeah, and Rainbow herself also made quite a few flirty advances and me, I just pretended not to notice. Still, kind of hard to do so when you take into account the fact that Rainbow was an impulsive, abrasive, hormone-fuelled teenager and that there was a lack of stallions around.

Hmm, if I didn't know any better, I'd say she was trying to get into my pants. Why is that, you may ask? Well, I don't know. Might be her occasional _accidental_ brushes of her hand - you know, down_ there_ - or the fact that, through a series of events I'm starting to suspect were planned out, she managed to bend over to pick up a bit that just happened to be in the ground, and place her tight, rocking ass right against my crotch, doing a none too subtle wiggle of her hips. You know... just saying. That, and the fact she seemed to need support an awful lot, tripping up or laughing hard enough that she just had to hold on and press herself against me for support. Really, it was kinda sad how obvious it was.

Sheesh, this mare is just determined to wear me down. And it was working. It is a known fact that horny mares tend to exude a sort of... pheromone to help stallions get in the mood. Still, it wasn't a 'get nookie for free' card, no. Put it simply, prolonged exposure could indeed help a guy be more receptive to intimate stuff, but it didn't by any means strip away one's self restraint; a fact for which I am eternally grateful.

Keep in mind, I was a human male attending a school filled with hormone-ridden mares and a noticeable lack of guys around. So... yeah. I'll leave it to your imagination. Anyway, after the first two or three... dozen times _it _happened, I decided to tone it down as I was starting to get a bit of a reputation at school. Ahh, good times.

But yeah, Rainbow was showing the classical signs of a mare that wanted to get some. Looking at Ponyville's gender ratio, the poor girl must be really backed up. Now, under normal circumstances, I'd be happy to indulge her _cravings. _However, I do have an evil plan to set in motion and me getting frisky with Rainbow could result in unexpected and wholly unnecessary drama. Ugh.

I'll admit, as the afternoon wore on and the sun had just started to dip on the horizon, it was getting increasingly difficult to not give in to my primal urges and fulfil Rainbow's needs. The way she looked at me with those rosy eyes of hers in anticipation, the way she oh-so-casually stretched to give me an eyeful of her lean body, her flirty mannerism and constant, fleeting touches were really starting to drive me over the edge.

Anyway, the sun was nearly down, and I was getting sleepy.

Rainbow looked at me as we were just exiting Bon Bon's Sweetie Drops. "Today was fun, don't you think?"

I nodded. "It was. Thanks for showing me around. It was nice."

A coy smile graced Rainbow's face. "Maybe we can do it again sometime? I can show you a couple of neat spots near here. They're fairly secluded and good for chilling out."

I gave her a lopsided smile. "You know, I think I'd like that."

Rainbow giggled lightly and a small blush tinted her cheeks. "Alright! It's a date, then."

Silly Rainbow. I couldn't help but chuckle at that. "A date it is. But, another time. I should be getting back right about now."

"So soon? The sun is barely down."

I shrugged. "That's farm life. We all have to get up way before sunrise to work and turn in early. Kinda sucks."

Rainbow grimaced and nodded. "Can't imagine living like that. It's just not natural."

I couldn't help but chortle. "I hear that. Well, I should probably get going. Hit the hay and all that, you know?" That and to put some distance from you, you rainbow-haired temptress.

Rainbow's smile faltered and she let out a small, frustrated sigh. "Okay, I'll let you get back to it. Look me up if you wanna hang out again." She waved me goodbye and turned to go.

...

Ugh, and now I feel bad, leaving her hanging. As I looked at her leaving, her fists clenched and her shoulders slightly slumped, I couldn't help but feel guilty at giving her false hope. I mean, it was clearly obvious what she wanted and me not rebuffing her might have been misconstrued as me being receptive to her advances, just doing the whole 'hard to get' thing which I personally despise.

...

...

Oh, what the hell. I'll give her a little something for her troubles.

"Hey, Rainbow!" she turned just as I had caught up with her.

"Huh?"

I took her hand and tugged her along. "Come here. There's... something I wanted to show you."

"Uhh, okay?" she blinked and allowed me to pull her.

I led her through to the edge of town and barely registered her questions. After a bit of looking around I saw a flower shop, already closed and headed to the back, which faced the green plains beyond Ponyville. Nice and private. Good, good. There were a smattering of crates and a flowerpot or two. No windows or doors. Excellent. I then turned to face Rainbow, who was staring at me questioningly.

"Sooo... what did you want to show me? It's kind of out there, here."

I advanced and put my hands around her waist, pulling her to me. "Oh, just this."

And with little warning, I leaned over and pressed my lips to hers. Rainbow gave a little jerk and inhaled sharply. I softly kneaded my lips against hers and, after a second of hesitation, Rainbow threw her arms around me and pressed her body to mine. She kissed me in fervor, letting out a sound between a sigh and a moan as her hands trailed over my back, feverishly touching where she could, and soon enough, I could feel her tongue demanding access to my mouth.

I complied and battled her tongue with mine, each of ours twisting and battling for the privilege of exploring the other's mouth. I broke away from the kiss, letting out a suction-type of sound and bent lower to work her delectable neck. I nipped at a spot just below her jawbone, which elicited a throaty growl from the mare. I kissed and bit lightly at her, using my tongue to probe at other sensitive spots on her slender neck, my reward being an onset of lustful groans and harsh, ragged breathing from Rainbow, who had thrown her head back to allow me access to all of her.

I pulled away and held Rainbow close. Her legs were trembling and it seemed they were ready to give out at a moment's notice. Rainbow herself held tight on to me, her mouth open and her eyes glazed over and half lidded at my ministrations. "W-why-why did you st..." I silenced her by once again pushing my lips to her.

I forgoed my earlier actions; this time I kissed her gently and Rainbow followed my lead. One of my hands snaked along her back, lightly touching the sensitive area of her wings, eliciting a series of cute, whimpering moans from Rainbow and, after a bit of probing, found the joint of her left wing. I used my index finger to lightly knead the area.

This resulted in Rainbow breaking our kiss as a sharp gasp escaped her. She pressed her head to my chest, her hands clutching at my shirt as she revelled in my touch. "Mm... mmmh. Tha- that feels... awesome," she managed to make out through quivering breaths. I pressed with a little more force, causing Rainbow to tense and pull herself against me even more as she tried to suppress a loud groan.

And then, all of a sudden, I pried Rainbow from me and firmly turned her around so that her back was now facing me. The poor girl was so lost in the heat of the moment, she did not exactly register what had happened. Her eyes were unfocused, her knees shaking and her left hand was raised, groggily waving, clenching and unclenching it as if she expected to pry me from thin air.

Deciding to save her any further suffering, I closed in and hugged her from behind, caressing her firm tummy while my mouth pulled and nipped at her ear. A sharp hiss escaped Rainbow's clenched teeth.

"Take it off," I breathed.

"Wh-what?"

I backed away a bit and used two fingers to tug at her sports bra. "This. Take it off."

With trembling hands, Rainbow sought to follow my command. She fumbled in trying to get a good grip of the cloth and when she did, she forcefully pried it from her body, nearly tearing the thing in the process. She carelessly threw it away and stood sock still(or at least, tried to), eagerly anticipating what I would do next.

I led her to a stack of crates and instructed her to lean her arms against it for support. When she did so, I couldn't help but take a moment to admire the view. Yeah, I'd seen plenty of naked mares, but somehow, you just never get tired of that view. With deliberation, I placed my hands on her waist, stroking her belly and feeling every crevice as they slowly but surely wandered higher and higher.

I lowered my mouth and lightly kissed between Rainbow's shoulder blades. I followed this by lightly nipping at the spot and Rainbow let out a throaty groan. I continued this rhythm; my mouth worked the pleasure spots of Rainbow's back while my hands stroked her front and gradually came closer to her chest.

Rainbow's entire body was trembling, aching for that final burst of pleasure which I had yet to deliver. Her legs grinded together as an increasingly large spot formed between them. The onslaught of sensations and expectations for what would come had left Rainbow a mess. Her breathing was harsh, ragged, and uneven; her mouth clenched shut as she tried to suppress the undoubtedly loud moans and cries of ecstasy and her legs were ready to give out.

Nevertheless, I paced myself, knowing that building up the anticipation would give her a much more fulfilling release. My hands had wandered sufficiently enough that they just barely brushed against the bottom of her chest. Rainbow arched her back, proudly displaying her small but firm breasts; eyes shut, unmoving, and biting her lip in anticipation for when I took that one last step.

I lightly trailed my fingers around the bottom of her cups, never fully grabbing one with my hand. I lightly pressed and kneaded their sides, top and bottom, not once straying towards their nipples. Rainbow was nearing the end of her rope. I proceeded in lightly fondling her breasts and, just to gauge her reaction, I allowed one finger to lightly brush past her nipple. Rainbow's shuddering groan was all I needed.

Looking at he back I aimed towards the sweet spot all pegasi possess; that one point between the joint of her wings, and dove in. I kissed, nipped and suckled at the spot in an ardent rush. Meanwhile, I stopped teasing Rainbow's breasts and brought both hands to lightly pinch, pull, and twist at her nipples.

Barely three seconds passed before Rainbow cried out and arched her back even more, her whole body went rigid and her face twisted in the sweet agony of release. Her body convulsed as she rode the wave of her orgasm and, once it passed, her legs gave out and I just barely managed to catch her mid-fall.

I lowered Rainbow to the ground, leaning her against the back of the flower shop and followed suit. For a while, we just stayed there, basking in the moment and with her cuddling against me.

"T-that was... amazing," Rainbow finally blurted out.

I looked at her and smiled, lightly brushing her windblown hair. "Yes it was."

I stayed with her until she was able to get on her feet and go home.

* * *

><p><strong>So, I've been thinking about adding clop to this story. Thoughts, anyone?<strong>


	5. The Party and the Afterparty

**Hey guys. Apologies for the delay in getting this chapter out. I meant to finish it sooner, but life kinda reared its ugly head and I just couldn't find the time to write. Unfortunately, the next chapter to this story will most likely take longer to come out. In between working on this story, working on my other story, plotting ideas for two more stories, upcoming college finals, my new job and just life in general, it will be a while for the next chapter to come out.**

**In the meantime, I took the liberty of throwing in a clop scene. Hopefully, it'll make the wait for the next chapter easier.**

**Enjoy and don't forget to review!**

* * *

><p>It was a crisp, clear morning in Ponyville. I was making my way with Applebloom out of Sweet Apple Acres as I'd been chosen to walk her to Ponyville where we would do some grocery shopping. It was nice at first. The weather was perfect, not cold but not hot either and a clean, lovely breeze swept through the land. Various songbirds had already begun their morning duets and the rising sun over the horizon had bathed the clouds and the sky in a stunning array of bright, vibrant colors. Equestria was known for its spectacular sunrises, sunsets and nights, which had influenced more than their share of artworks and poems by human visitors.<p>

For a while, Bloomy and I walked in silence, enjoying the simple pleasures of the world around us. It was nice, peaceful, tranquil. So of course, Applebloom had to go and break the mood.

"Hey mister, there's something I've been wondering."

I let out a small sigh and opened my eyes, having just been broken out of my reverie. "Hmm," I grunted, looking down at her. Well, just for a brief second, at least. Why is that, you may ask? Because other than her backpack, lil' Bloomy was wearing absolutely nothing.

Yup. My first day at the farm, everybody had been wearing clothes. I would later come to learn that this was because the Apple family wanted to look their best for my imminent arrival. After that? Well... they went either way. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. This had, of course, resulted in moments of nausea and horror on my part as I saw Big Mac and Granny Smith in their birthday suits, as well as moments of awkwardness at Appleblooms widdle little form and then moments of bliss at seeing Applejack's full, glorious bod on display.

It goes without saying, but I had to be very, very careful when trying to steal glances at the surly girl. A slender, hourglass figure; firm, gravity defying, somewhat above average chest; a taut, toned butt and legs that went all the way up to Cloudsdale.

Damn.

So yeah, I was getting used to it. I could now turn away politely without wanting to retch whenever I unintentionally laid eyes on Granny Smith.

…

Kinda wished I didn't have to learn that.

"Why did you come to Ponyville?" asked Applebloom.

That right there made me stop in my tracks and the filly followed suit. I looked at her in slight disbelief, not knowing whether she was oblivious or just wanting to make small talk. "I've been living in your farm for over a week now. Are you seriously telling me you don't know why I came here?"

"Nope."

"Really?"

"Really."

That was odd. I resumed our walk and motioned Applebloom to follow, which she readily did so. "Didn't anyone tell you why?"

She shook her head. "Nah. I asked Granny 'cause she's the only one who knew, but all she told me was you were here to learn a lesson or some such."

Huh. I scratched my chin and stole a surreptitious glance at a klutzy pegasus mare further down a side road, who had somehow managed to get her head stuck in a mailbox. She pulled and flapped her wings furiously until she came free, but that just resulted in the mail satchel she had around her shoulder to come loose and spread its contents in every direction.

"Something like that, yes. My parents are counting on this to be an educational experience for me."

"Oh, so they want you to learn something? Like what?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Who knows. Parents can be weird like that, you know?"

Applebloom's face scrunched in thought. "Um, maybe? I mean... I don't really remember my parents. But Granny and Big Mac have been my sort of parents and they're not weird. Though Granny can be sorta kooky sometimes," then all of a sudden, she gasped and placed her hands over her mouth. She looked left and right with wide eyes as if expecting someone nearby, then returned her gaze to me. "Uhhh... can you not tell Granny I said that, mister?" she asked, fiddling with her hair and giving me a nervous, pleading smile.

I smiled and did that zipper thing with my mouth, followed by a wink.

Applebloom giggled. "Thanks, mister. You're alright."

The rest of the walk was uneventful. I kinda wanted to slap myself for that faux pas back there. I kinda forgot Bloomy's parents had passed away when she was very young. I was just about to utter an awkward apology, but the filly had beaten me to the punch. She did not seem upset or anything, but then again, I don't suppose she would be. Girl probably didn't even remember what they looked like.

Bloomy skipped ahead of me, a smile on her face and humming a tune with not a care in the world. I trailed behind, feeling like a douche bag. We got to the market. No, not like the supermarkets back home. For hick, backwoods Ponyville, only an open air market would do.

We browsed the stalls, but Applebloom insisted on handpicking the produce, claiming she could identify which fruits and veggies were at their peak. It was an earth pony thing, according to her. I stepped aside and let her do as she pleased, mostly because I didn't care either way. I kept an eye on her and made sure she didn't get into trouble, but it was unnecessary as she was such a good little girl.

As she went about her business, I mostly took in the sights, as it were. It may have been early, but being a rural town, Ponyville was already bustling with activity. Cute mares everywhere, half of them naked, others half-naked and others fully clothed. Those were a bit of a rarity, especially so early in the morning.

I followed Applebloom as she filled up the wagon with produce that passed her inspection and eventually, we had a sizable little mound of the finest and freshest fruits and veggies around. Seriously, Equestrian produce is the bomb. I remember several years back when my parents took me to visit family on Earth that the normally scrumptious peaches and pears, my favorite fruits in the world, tasted so bland and dull in comparison. Gotta love that earth pony magic.

Still, all the finest produce in the world just can't compete with a nice juicy steak. Medium rare, thick as a baby's arm and accompanied by a loaded baked potato and maybe a lobster tail or two. Yum. Alas, this would only be a fantasy for now. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't get meat cravings all the time. As good as vegetarian food could be, it just doesn't fill you up in the same manner as a chunk of dead animal; know what I mean?

And seriously, this Apple family consumed apples on a daily basis. On every... single... meal. I am seriously getting sick of apples at this point, which is why I sidled to a nearby carrot stand while Applebloom was busy at another stand individually inspecting every single grape tied to a vine.

I picked a nice looking specimen and, after a bit of flirting and innuendo on my part, managed to get the curly haired mare manning the stall to sell it to me for one bit instead of two. Not really necessary, but it gave me something to do, at least.

We were done with the shopping and on our way back of the farm when something caught Applebloom's attention.

"Sweetie Belle! Hey, Sweetie Belle, over here!" she waved frantically to another filly perusing a stall of trinkets and knickknacks before running towards her in excitement. I sighed and dragged the wagon to catch up.

The filly known as Sweetie Belle looked over and, recognizing Applebloom, smiled and waved, meeting her halfway. I reached the two girls who were in an animated discussion of some sort and Applebloom graciously registered my presence.

"See, Sweetie Belle? This is the human I was tellin' you about," she grabbed my hand and tugged me closer to her friend. "This here's Sweetie Belle, mister. She's a good friend of mine."

I looked to the filly and, for some reason or another, I got the strangest craving for marshmallows. D'aww, she was like a little porcelain doll. Big, soft eyes; an adorable face and curly, almost... marshmallow-like hair, complete with a light blue sundress and sandals to match. Sweetie Belle looked back at me with an awed expression. I gave he an upwards nod. "Yo."

She blinked and came out of her reverie. "Hiya, there, sir human," she said in a squeaky voice. "My name's Sweetie Belle."

"Anon," I said simply, raising up my hand for a halfhearted wave. But Sweetie Belle was quicker and took my hand in her own little ones, giving it a vigorous shake.

She blinked and took a closer look. "Hey, mister Anon, are you sick?"

...

"No."

"Really? Because almost all your fur has fallen off! Look, you only have these little hairs and they don't cover much of anything!" she exclaimed with an alarmed expression on her face, holding my hand up for me to see.

Seriously? "Relax, kid. I'm a human. We don't have much in the way of body hair. It's a normal thing for us."

Sweetie Belle blinked in confusion. "Really?"

"Really," I deadpanned.

"Oh." She tilted her head to the side, still holding my hand in her own widdle ones. "But if you don't have fur, then you must get cold. And if you get cold, then you probably get sick all the time."

I tugged at my shirt. "That's what clothes are for."

Her eyes widened as a look of comprehension dawned on her face. "Ohhh. So humans wear clothes so they don't get cold and sick?"

I scratched my chin with my free hand. "That's part of it, yeah."

A big smile formed on Sweetie's face. "Wow! I didn't know that!" she then turned to Applebloom. "Did _you_ know that, Applebloom?"

Applebloom crossed her arms and closed her eyes, adopting a smug little smile. "Eeyup. Anon's been livin' with us for a week now, an' he has told me all sorts of human things. Did you know that humans have a moon? And that they built these great big machines like planes that shoot fire and that they ride them to the moon and space?"

Sweetie Belle's eyes widened even more. "No way! Humans have been to space?!" she turned to me. "Is that true, Anon, sir?"

I nodded. "Pretty much."

"Whoa! Humans are cool!" she declared enthusiastically.

"Hey, hey mister. Tell Sweetie Belle about the Doctor!"

Doctor? "House?"

"No, no! The one with the magic screw thingy! Tell 'er about him!"

The heck is this girl talking about? "Uh-huh. Look, I don't know what—YEOOOWCH!" A sudden pain made itself known in the hand Sweetie Belle was holding on, so I jerked it away and brought it up for inspection and... were those teeth marks!?

I looked towards Sweetie Belle, who was fidgeting nervously, her hands clasped behind her back and looking anywhere but in my direction.

"Did you just bite me!?"

Sweetie Belle shot me a sheepish smile and, in a tone that sounded as much a statement as a question said, "I wanted to see what humans taste like."

…

I... have no words.

Fortunately, I was saved any further uncertainty by another mare. "Sweetie Belle? Sweetie Belle, dear. Where did you go?"

The possibly unhinged filly took this opportunity to make a hasty escape, running towards another mare with the purest, most whitest coat I'd ever seen. Huh. If there was one word in which I had to describe her, it would be... elegant, maybe? Why? Oh, I don't know, maybe because of her meticulously curled mane and tail, both of which seemed to have taken hours to style. Could be because of her perfect, dignified poise; the expensive but tasteful looking green sundress/sandals/hat combo. I dunno, but she looked every bit the part of a refined, cultured lady, not unlike those in Manehattan or Canterlot.

"I'm right here, Rarity."

Rarity? Another of Applejack's friends? Huh, what fortunate coincidence. Seriously, what are the chances I'd get an opportunity to meet her out of all the other mares in town? Meh, whatever. Works for me.

Rarity let out a dainty sigh, looking at Sweetie Belle in exasperation. "Really now, Sweetie Belle. I told you to wait by Mr. Hooves' shop."

Sweetie Belle pouted. "Aww, but it's so boring to just stand around, and there's all kinds of neat stuff to see in here. Look, there's even a human! Here in Ponyville!" she exclaimed, taking her hand and pointing with her other one in my direction. Hmm, that's kind of rude.

Rarity gasped and batted the filly's pointing hand down. "Sweetie! How many times have I told you, it's bad manners to point at somepony else?" she looked towards me and came over, leading a sullen Sweetie Belle by the hand. "I apologize for my sister's rudeness, my good sir. Come, Sweetie. Tell mister..." she trailed off, arching a perfectly trimmed eyebrow at me.

"Anon." I shrugged.

"Yes, tell mister Anon how sorry you are."

Sweetie Belle looked from me, to her sister and back again. "I'm sorry for pointing at you, mister Anon," she sighed.

"It's fine, kid," I said flippantly.

Rarity huffed. "Still, it's no excuse for being rude." she then looked at me. "My apologies on behalf of my sister, darling. She's a good filly, if a bit... rambunctious at times."

I waved a hand dismissively. "Pshaw, it's alright, miss. Kids will be kids, but it's our job to show them right from wrong."

"Well said! I too believe that as the older ones, it is our duty to make sure and teach the little ones how to properly behave. And believe me, I've had a bit of a time in showing Sweetie Belle how to be a proper little filly," she beamed me a dazzling smile. "Oh, but look at me, I haven't yet introduced myself, have I? Where are my manners?" she extended a dainty, manicured hand. "My name is Rarity. It's a pleasure to meet you, my good sir."

I lightly took her(very soft and smooth) hand and made a show of giving it a quick, chaste kiss. "The pleasure is all mine, Rarity. My name is Anonymous." I released her and crossed my arms looking her square in the eye. "Though I can't help but wonder, what brings a refined lady like yourself to this sleepy little town?"

Rarity took the compliment in stride, bringing a hand to her mouth and tittering daintily. "Oh, you flatter me, Anonymous. But Ponyville is my home. Born and raised right here."

I blinked. "Oh. Really? My mistake. It's just that I'm from Manehattan and you, you just look the part of a high class Manehattan native."

"Oh, my. Do you really think so?" asked Rarity with a smile, looking over her dress and brushing a nonexistent speck of dirt.

"I know so," I replied with a wink.

She giggled. "Ooh, you are just a gentlecolt." She stepped closer. "Well, now, if you have no other pressing matters at the moment, would you care to escort a lady about?" she accentuated this by tilting her head down and batting her eyelashes.

Wow. How could I say no to this gorgeous girl? I played the part and did a small bow. "It would be my pleasure."

I offered my hand and didn't have to wait long before Rarity took it. I pulled her lightly and she readily came, wrapping a velvety soft arm against my own. I chanced one last look at Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, who were staring at us in childish disgust. "Hey Bloomy. You can take care of that, can't you?" I pointed to the produce laden cart. It would be too much for a normal little girl to haul it, but Applebloom was an earth pony and her almost supernatural strength(for a tyke her size, at least) would be more than sufficient.

Rarity blinked and I would bet she forgot her own sister was there for a moment. "Uh, yes, Sweetie Belle. Run along and play with your little friend, won't you, dear?"

Both fillies rolled their eyes and made a show of being nauseated. Applebloom stuck her tongue out at me and I returned the gesture in kind. "Fahne, whatever. C'mon, Sweetie Belle. Let's leave the grown ups to their... grown up stuff." She picked up the cart's handle and tugged it along. Sweetie Belle did a 'hmph!' sound and trailed after, her little head and nose held up high in a snooty manner. Two guesses where she learned that.

Rarity huffed. "My word! They don't have to be so rude about it!"

I shrugged. "That's foals for ya. But enough about them. I want to hear all... about... you."

Rarity beamed and did so. Back in Manehattan, I attended a private school where classy girls like Rarity were a dime a dozen. Being a human dude, they took notice of me and I soon learned how they like to be treated. Namely, they like to talk about themselves and Rarity did not fail in that aspect. However, as we strolled through the marketplace and the refined mare made a purchase or two, it became increasingly obvious that Rarity was an alright gal. Sure, she was a bit vain and obsessed with her looks, but she was by no means shallow nor a queen bitch. A bit of a... rarity(pun shamelessly intended) for a girl of her caliber.

She was a genuinely good girl and praised her friends, although she did not shy away from revealing some of their less than savory moments. Eventually, she got hungry and invited me to a local eatery that didn't look _too_ hick nor backwoods. We settled into a cozy little booth and Rarity insisted on paying for me because, gender roles, and everything. She got a steaming bowl of porridge laced with various flower petals while I got a stack of fluffy pancakes. Yum. She directed the conversation to me and what I had been doing before coming to Ponyville and all that boring stuff. I... mostly told her the truth, editing a few parts here and there and by the time we were done, it was time to part ways.

It went very well, in my opinion. Rarity did a bit of impromptu flirting, but I didn't pay it much mind. Being that Equestria has such a skewed gender ratio, mares spend a lot of time trying to pick up guys. Normally, this starts in their early teens, when their hormones start acting up and by the time they near adulthood, it gets to the point where they subconsciously flirt with almost every male they meet, even if without the intention of establishing a relationship.

Granted, it can be a bit tricky to tell when they want to and when they don't, but I'm pretty sure that Rarity sees me only as a pleasant acquaintance at this point. Friend would be a bit of a stretch as she has only known me for a couple hours, but it's a good starting point in my book. A few more sessions and I think I can get her on my side. Heh, heh, heh. My plan is coming to fruition. I'm pretty sure Rainbow's on my side and, after a few more sessions with Rarity, I'm sure I can get her to my side as well. That just leaves Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie.

Speaking of, today is the day I am to go and make good on our bake date. A little mixing here, a little stirring there, a little dash of that good old human charm and she'll be good as mine. You hear that, Applejack, you hateful, miserable, slave driver, you? Just give about a week or two and you _will_ have to start being nice to me!

Anyway, I bid Rarity my goodbye and for the remainder of the day, I merely loitered around town. I tried heading for the library and pay that cute, nerdy Twilight a visit, but to my regret, the place was empty and I had no way of knowing when she would be back. Also, it struck me as a little odd that the front door was unlocked. But then again, ponies were trustful creatures and that, plus the fact that Ponyville had that small-town vibe where everybody knows everybody attested to the fact.

Having nothing better to do, I hit the local movie theater(thank God for that) and blew my bits on a fun but relatively tame film of the Power Ponies and Con Mane, but with much, much less killing. The sex was there, though.

Eventually, it neared five in the afternoon, the time for Pinkie's bake date and I followed suit, entering Sugarcube Corner and spotting the pink mare right behind the counter. Her eyes lit up and a large grin stretched across her face. She waved vigorously and yelled, "Hi, Nonny!" before bouncing, yes, that's right, bouncing to where I was. Oh, and she was also naked so... yeah. Bouncing.

She made a hasty introduction to the shop's owners, Carrot Cake and Cup Cake before tugging me into the kitchen. It was pretty spacious, and a bit messy as well. Not the nasty kind, but rather, the messy kind that tells it has recently been used. Anyway, Pinkie donned a big, poofy chef's hat and an apron and nothing else. Hawt.

Hyper and nonsensical though she may be, Pinkie knew her way around the kitchen, giving me a hands on instruction on the proper way to fold light and fluffy cream onto a dense batter. We made a big-ass cake with tri-colored fondant as well as cookies, muffins and cupcakes, a number of which Pinkie wolfed down even while they were still hot. I don't fully get this girl and something tells me I never really will.

It was surprisingly fun and the baked goods were delicious. I just might have to try doing this at home. Anyway, Pinkie loaded our confectioneries onto large serving platters and single handedly took them out the door and into the front of the shop. Why? I don't know. To be displayed, probably. I offered to help her, but she shot me down and insisted I wait, as she had a little... surprise... waiting for me.

Anyway, Pinkie had just taken the last platter and yelled at me to come into the front. I did so and where there had previously been an eatery, the place had been converted to a big party room, complete with streamers, balloons, confetti and banners. A mass gathering of ponies filled the room and yelled an eardrum-bursting "SURPRISE!" that literally made me jump about a foot in the air.

"Whaddaya think, Nonny!? You like it? Huh? Huh? It's your very own Welcome to Ponyville party!"

I immediately put on a large smile. "Like it? I love it, Pinkie!"

She cheered in delight and took me by the hand, leading me around the room and introducing me to the complete strangers that attended this so-called party. I tried to be as pleasant as I could, but while my exterior was jovial and accommodating, my inner self was another story.

Goddamn it, Pinkie!

A party!? For me!? Hells naw! I'm not a party type of person! Huh, what's that? Why is that, you may ask. Well, it should be obvious. The annoyingly loud music, the throngs of people(or in this case, ponies) and then there's the _*shudders*_ socializing.

Now, I don't know what kind of ideas you all got, but I am _not_ a people person. I mean, yeah, I do know how to be social and stuff, but that doesn't mean I _like_ it.

...

Well, not most of the time, at least. Applebloom's kinda fun, once you get to know her and Pinkie does have a sort of happy/crazy charm about her. But them I _know_. All these other ponies are complete strangers to me.

Ugh. Options, options. What are my options? Well, I could just blow the party off, but that would no doubt upset Pinkie and all her friends were here to see this, which would render my perfect, diabolical plan moot. Nope, I didn't see any way in which I could leave and not put a hamper in the wheels in motion.

So that just leaves me with the option of, ugh, pretending to enjoy myself and mingle with complete strangers. At least when I approached Appebloom, Rarity, Pinkie and Rainbow I had a choice in it, which made it way better, but now? Hoo, boy. I need to think of something, anything, to make this evening bearable.

No sooner did I finish this line of thought that Pinkie somehow materialized before me, now holding a plastic cup filled with vibrant green liquid.

"Here you go, Nonny!" chirped Pinkie. "It's my ultra secret special punch. Just take a few sips and you'll feel all happy and bouncy and dancy all night long!"

I wanted to refuse, but that damnably cute, innocent smile came full force, now followed by her big, baby blue eyes looking at me hopefully. Gah! I just knew if I said no I'd make her cry and feel like a bastard at the same time. So I forced a smile and took the proffered drink, eyeing it warily. "Thanks, Pinkie." I sniffed at it. Sweet and fruity. Not much else. "What's in it?"

Pinkie giggled. "I can't tell you that, silly." She scooted closer and whispered in my ear. "It's a seeeecret."

And with that, she zipped off to who knows where, leaving me standing there like an idiot. "Yeah, thanks a lot, Pinkie," I said to thin air and looked dubiously at the mystery drink. "Well, bottoms up," I said to no one in particular and took a swig. Mmm. Sweet, but not overly so. Fruity. I think I detect citrus and maybe something herbal. Not bad, not bad at all.

I finished it and, by the life of me, I just had to have another, which I did. Then another.

...

And another.

It took my feeling warm and fuzzy and my legs shaking to realize that Pinkie had spiked the punch! But, but how! I can't even taste the alcohol! I mean, yeah, I'm not like an expert on the matter, or anything, but I didn't know it was possible to make untasteable(yeah, I know that's not a real word. Bite me) alcohol. Should have probably realized it sooner, but I've never been drunk in my life.

...

What? Just cause I have a lot of money and am a rebellious teenager I'm supposed to drink. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I've never ever taken a liking to the sauce, despite the fact that all the cool kids do it. Why? Because it tastes yucky, that's why.

Incidentally, did you know that there are no underage drinking laws in Equestria? Yup. Adult ponies are responsible for teaching their young to not fool around with the stuff. And guess what; it works. Hard to believe, yeah, but the fact that there have never ever been alcohol related deaths, or crimes gives you some idea of how good and mellow ponies are in general. Granted, there's the occasional misdemeanor or the accidental sprain or fall by youngsters, but other than that, parents can be trusted to teach their kids to behave.

Anyway, I suppose I should have been mad at Pinkie for tricking me into getting drunk, but that idea seemed to become less and less important by the second, and instead opted to take just one more drink. Seriously, just one more.

...

Or two.

...

Or three.

...

Or seven.

...

Or... aw, screw it. Who knows? What I do know is that at some point in the night, I partook in the festivities and proceeded to shake dat bootay in the dance floor. Also, I think I pinned the tail on an actual pony and Rainbow tried to get me to come to a little rendezvous at the back of the shop.

Maybe. I dunno. All I know is that, amid the fragments and fleeting remnants in my head, everything went black at some point.

* * *

><p>It is common knowledge that, after a night of hard drinking, waking up with a soul crushing hangover is the norm. That... was not the case with me. Freakin' Equestria. Gotta love a placeuniverse that comes up with the idea of no-hangover alcohol.

Anyway, as I started coming to, I knew something was wrong. The place I lied on was soft and fluffy, like an actual bed and not that rough, scratchy jizz stain of a bed I'd been saddled with at Sweet Apple Acres. Then, there was the smell. It was sweet and yeasty. The good kind of yeasty that tells of freshly baked bread. And then... then there was something touching me or rather, _I_ was touching something, holding it in my arms. Something warm and... soft.

I slowly, slowly, opened one eye. Yup. This is not the barn. The first thing I noticed was the pink. There, laying just beside me, and with my arms around her was none other than Pinkie Pie. Her front was turned away from me, but sometime during... whatever happened last night, I ended up spooning her and both our bodies were taut against each other.

With deliberate movements, I slowly withdrew my right arm over Pinkie's soft belly, taking care not to disturb her, and used it too peek under the blanket covering us both. Yep, we're both naked. And my... down _there_ is pressed tight against her pudgy, delicious-looking rump.

Oooh, boy. It's getting hot in here. Now, I don't exactly know as to the events that led me and Pinkie to be in bed with one another, but I do know I should probably scram while I got the chance. After all, the last thing I need is for the pony beside me to freak out and make things weird. Did she instigate things last night, or was this my doing?

Heh. Could be either way and... aw, shit! Today was the day I was supposed to help Applejack and Granny Smith with the bake sale! The she-devil clearly told me she'd wake my ass up and early to get cooking and if she finds out I've spent the night in bed with one of her best friends then... I don't even wanna know.

I... I needed to get out. I _had_ to! The sun is already up and there's no doubt Applejack has clearly noticed my absence at this point. Maybe, just maybe, if I go and prostrate myself before her, she'll be lenient in her retribution... hopefully.

Okay, man. Okay. Get out. I had to extricate myself from Pinkie's warm, cuddly grasp. My left arm was pinned underneath her body and she was hanging onto it like a lifeline. She was still asleep, and I prayed to God she would stay that way.

Using my free hand, I slowly removed the blanket from my side, taking care to leave Pinkie good and covered. Then, I pulled my hips back and... uhh.

...

Oh, boy.

...

_He_ is... standing... down there. And nestled right in between Pinkie's pillowy bottom. Carefully, ever so carefully, I lightly move my hips backwards and _ohhh, baby_, that feels good. My member is at full mast and being lovingly squeezed by the pink pony's supple butt cheeks. That, plus the soft texture of her fur, her cotton candy smell and the warm touch of her nubile body is quickly eroding any shred of resistance and common sense that I had left.

I wanted nothing more than to give in to my primal urges and ravish the living hell out of the cute mare.

...

Gah! No! I must resist the pink temptress! She's not even awake and already she's burrowed into my head. Must... snap... out of it. Gotta get out of here and _wowee! _Pinkie just shifted in her sleep, causing her sumptuous rump to massage my member. Her bottom wiggled closer, and the soft plumpness of her fur gave way to the warm, moist sensation of her marehood. Man, oh man. But, as good as it felt, I knew what was happening at this point was borderline rape, and that's not nice.

Don't get me wrong, I am not at all opposed to the idea of doing the hanky panky with Pinkie. She's nice, fun, peppy and always with a smile on her face and though she can be a bit manic and crazy at times, her antics don't fail to amuse. Still, if I am indeed to do the deed with her, I'd prefer it to be when she's up and raring to do it.

Which is why I summoned up what little restraint and good judgement I had left. I fought to ignore the tantalizing pleasures being inflicted upon me and marginally inched my hips backwards. The head of my shaft trailed along her slit, eliciting an involuntary shudder from me, and a heavy breath from Pinkie, who at this point, was starting to awake.

Shit! She's coming to and there I am, lodged right near her entrance. She took a deep breath and brought up her hand to rub the sleep out her eyes. Her body shifted yet again, causing the head of my dick to poke at her honey pot once more.

Pinkie let out a purr of contentment and gave a tiny, sleepy giggle."Mmmm. That feels nice," she murmured.

She then scooted her body closer so that she was tightly pressed against me and the head of my shaft parted her lips and sunk in just a tiny little amount.

I sucked in a breath at the awesome, warm sensation of her marehood while Pinkie moaned softly in pleasure. She rose her legs and tucked in her knees so that she was just shy of the fetal position and snuggled her rump tighter against me, lazily wiggling her hips, further stimulating our erogenous zones. Pinkie let let out a stream of quiet squeaky moans, while I grit my teeth and tried to suppress my own.

Good though Pinkie may have been feeling, it obviously wasn't enough for her. Her right hand glided back towards me, giving me a brief squeeze in the buttocks and trailed higher. She took my hand in her own smaller one and deftly guided it across her soft body to rest atop one of her large, pendulous breasts, keeping her hand atop my own.

"Squeeze it," she said quietly, her voice still laced by the sleep-induced drowsiness.

I shouldn't have. I really shouldn't have. But I did and pressed a handful of Pinkie's supple breast. Malleable to the touch, but with just the faintest amount of firmness.

This time, Pinkie cooed softly and arched her back, further pressing her chest forward against my touch. "Harder," she breathed huskily.

It was hard to think. My head was swimming in a hazy soup of lust and hormones; it made the prospect of coherent thought to be an upstream battle, but somewhere along the way, one last, fleeting fragment of reason managed to slip through. "P-Pinkie... unf. St-stop! We s-shouldn't... this... uhf... do," I forced through labored pants.

Pinkie said nothing and continued her subtle ministrations, stroking the back of my hand. "Stop?" she giggled. "Why do you want to stop, Nonny? Aren't you having fun?" she asked with a hint of that Pinkie mischievousness in her voice.

"I-it's Applejack. I'm sup- posed to help..."

The pink vixen thrust her hips against me, and the tip of my cock was now lodged in her tight, warm tunnel. That shut me up.

She expelled a shuddering breath. "AJ's not here, Nonny. I told her not to... mmhmmm... expect you today."

Uhh. "What? What do you mean?"

Abruptly, Pinkie shifted and turned to face me, and my cock was now freed of its warm, cozy confines. She smiled at me with half-lidded eyes, partly hidden by the tangled curls of her mane, and one of her fingers trailed patterns softly through my chest and abdomen. "What I mean, Nonny," she leaned forward to plant a tender, lingering kiss along my jaw. "Is I pretty please asked Applejack to give you the day off."

"And she said yes?" I asked incredulously.

Pinkie giggled. "Yep." This time she kissed me on the lips and her hand trailed down. She teased the head of my member, softly running her fingertips through it and I just couldn't suppress an involuntary groan.

Pinkie withdrew and smiled knowingly, looking downwards. "Looks like _somepony_ is in the mood for some loving," she said playfully, tapping at the tip with her finger.

I gulped. "W-why?"

"Why what?" she asked coyly.

"Why did y-you ask Applejack..."

"Because, silly, you promised to help me bake," she said it in a way a parent tells his child why two plus two equals fish. I-I mean,four.

"Uh, I thought we did that already."

Her smile took on an impish quality. She gently pushed me so that I laid on my back and she positioned her body over mine. Her cunny stood atop the length of my dick, and she rubbed it over, coating my shaft in her juices and eliciting a renewed stream of hot, heavy pants from us both.

"Mmm... haa. Really, Nonny?" she rubbed harder. "You don't... uh- unngh... want to put y-your big," she kissed me. "hard," and again. "loaf in my hot..._ hot_... oven?"

That did it. Something inside me just snapped and all restraint and logic that wasn't bogged down suddenly went bye-bye. Did Pinkie actually ask the she-devil to give the rest of the day off? And did Applejack herself actually agreed to that? I don't know, and I didn't particularly care at the moment. All I knew was that I was horny and right atop me was another equally horny mare, if not more so; eager and willing for me to bring her release.

I grabbed Pinkie by the shoulders and she yelped as I removed her from me and now our positions were reversed. Me atop her, and her smiling playfully, now realizing my intention. She spread her arms over her head, lying spread eagled and her tender body exposed for me to do as I saw fit.

The message was clear. 'This Is Your Playground.' And play I did.

The want in Pinkie was palpable. Her glazed, half-lidded eyes and easy smile beckoned me to come closer and inflict harsh, rapid pleasures upon her. But however gone I was, the position I found myself in was all too familiar. Whatever I had to give, Pinkie wanted it hard and fast. However, I did not forget the events of last night. There was payback to be had and what better way than to gradually work my way down her nubile form, granting her wish only and only when and if I chose to?

I crawled so that our faces were parallel and cupped her cheeks, bending down to give her a soft, fleeting kiss. My hands traveled south and cupped her sizable bosom, gently massaging while I worked my way down her chin, to her jaw, neck and ears, planting kisses and lightly nipping at certain spots in which I knew earth ponies were particularly sensitive.

Pinkie sighed in contentment and closed her eyes, arching her back and pressing her boobs against me. She leaned her head back to allow me better access and her arms snaked behind me, running through my back, feeling where she could. Her legs tangled around my left knee and she pulled so that it came in contact with the puffy lips of her marehood.

A new set of moans escaped the pink mare as she ground and gyrated her hips, further pleasuring herself as I worked on her top. Her eyes shut tight and face was twisted in the ever universal mask of sweet, sweet agony as she rubbed faster and harder, bucking her pelvis forward and pulling me against her in an effort to increase her pleasure.

I pulled my knee free and withdrew from her, robbing the lusty girl of my warmth. So lost in the haze of sex she was that she did not immediately notice my absence and her hips continued their movements, trying to rub against something that was no longer there. Gradually, her eyes half opened, her breathing was labored and heavy, and the rising motions of her chest made her sumptuously large tits move in a tantalizing, almost hypnotic manner.

She half lifted an arm in my direction, as if willing to draw me back and whimpered. "C'mon, Nonny. Let's... let's do this right."

I merely crossed my arms and stared at her questioningly, arching an eyebrow.

Pinkie whimpered again. "Pretty please?" she asked hopefully.

And I still not moved.

This time, she made a frustrated sound between a groan and a whimper. "Pretty please with sugar and chocolate and caramel and sprinkles and cherries and whipped cream on top?"

I looked upwards and pretended to think it over, letting the sexually frustrated girl stew for a bit. "Okay," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

A smile lit up Pinkie's face, but I was not yet done. "But," I said, holding up a finger. "Before anything else, you have to promise me something."

"Anything," she replied immediately and without hesitation.

I smirked and reached out, taking her nipple; I lightly pulled, twisted and rolled it through my fingers, and Pinkie closed her eyes shut as a sharp hiss escaped from between her teeth. She thrust her chest upwards in a nonverbal attempt to instruct me to do more, but as soon as she did that, I stopped my ministrations and pushed her back down. "No, Pinkie."

She sighed in frustration and pouted, looking up at me reproachfully. I lowered so that our noses were just shy of touching. "If you want me to fuck you... here," her face scrunched and let out a loud cry of pleasure. My hand had surreptitiously trailed down towards her honey pot, and I inserted a finger, stimulating her inner folds. "Then you have to be a good filly and not move."

Another finger joined the party and went in deeper, stroking the tight, steaming hot walls of her tunnel. Pinkie's eyes rolled over and let out an even louder, lust-crazed cry than before. Her entire body spasmed and twitched, but trooper that she was, she did her best to follow my directions. "Understand?" I asked and teased her nipple anew.

Pinkie's face was scrunched in concentration, her cheeks steadily growing redder, her eyes shut and biting her lower lip in an effort to as I said. "Mm-hmm," she groaned and nodded vigorously.

I removed my fingers, now thoroughly coated in a sticky fluid. "Good," I said approvingly. "Oh, and try to keep it down, will you?"

I didn't wait for a response and instead shuffled lower so that I stood at the soft, puffy pink gates of her folds. I grabbed her legs at the thigh and eased them apart, allowing me better access to my prize. I bent down and chanced one last look at the cute mare. Her hands clutched at the bedspread, her body tense and eager for what I would do next and her chest heaving, swaying those _amazing_ tits of hers. I could stare at her for an indefinite amount of time, but alas, there was work to be done.

Lowering to my elbows, I wrapped my arms around Pinkie's legs and pulled her closer. The musky sweet smell of her sex invaded my senses and nearly drove me to throw all restraint and patience aside and fuck her like a whore.

Nearly, at least.

Her marehood was so hot, I could feel it radiating heat to my face. Drawing closer, I blew a small gust of cold air at the pink folds and she shuddered, groaning softly. I stuck my tongue out and gently ran it up and down her slit, barely touching and just enough to whet her appetite further. A new string of sex sounds followed and Pinkie's hips twitched, desperately wanting more than my paltry givings. Heh. The nerve of that girl.

I went one step further and prodded at the center of her pussy, just barely poking in my tongue. I trailed it up and down her soft, swollen lips and was rewarded by yet more moans and whines of ecstasy from Pinkie. After a bit of searching, going up and up, and a little bit deeper, her clitoris was revealed to me, and I lightly flicked, poked, and caressed her swollen nub.

Try as she might, Pinkie could not help herself. She writhed in her lying position, and her hips thrust involuntarily; her sweet cries were music in my ears and knowing that I could inflict such want and pleasure on the cute mare gave a hefty boost to my ego.

The foreplay was nearly done, but before that I would assault Pinkie's senses just once more. I backed from he pussy, and Pinkie responded to my tongue's absence with a pout and a disapproving look. That quickly changed as I thrust my index and middle fingers deep as they could go; Thrusting back and forth, using my thumb to stimulate her clit, and getting them good and covered in her natural lubricants.

When that was done, I dove right back in and didn't hold back. My mouth worked at her pussy while my hand groped her breast, squeezing, pinching and pulling her erect nipple, applying the right amount of force that it would be slightly painful, but not so much that it would overwhelm the pleasure. My tongue darted in and out of her honey pot, shoving it as far as I could manage and her walls would tighten in a futile attempt to keep it from leaving.

The best thing, however, I kept for last. Using the hand coated in her juices, I trailed it lower and lower until it came in contact with her puckered hole. I gently poked and prodded the area around, getting a feel for things. Hmm. Tight. Very tight. Slowly and gently, my index finger poked at her entrance, felling quite a bit of resistance along the way.

By this point, Pinkie knew something was up. She struggled through the waves of ecstasy coursing through her body and lifted her head, or tried to, at least. "Ungh... Ahh! N-Non-nny? W-what... what are y-you... Aa- aagh!"

She threw back her head and let out her loudest cry yet. My index sunk in an inch through her hole, and I wiggled it lightly, massaging her prostate, both to entice her and loosen the entrance. Marginally, I pushed in, taking care not to be too forceful nor go too fast. Pinkie's groans and stifled squeaks followed and after some time, my finger was burrowed to the hilt. Slowly and gently, I pumped it in and out.

That, plus the ministrations to her breast and pussy drove Pinkie over the edge. With a half-growl, half-scream, her legs wrapped around my head and pushed, or rather, shoved my face against her honey pot. With one hand, she grabbed a fistful of my hair and with the other, she pawed at her remaining breast, trying to emulate the way I teased her nipple. Her back arched and her hips bucked against me. So far she was gone in the throes of passion that she sought to bring herself to orgasm by shoving herself against my face.

It worked. Pinkie's body writhed and contracted like a coiled snake. The sweet juices of her pussy flowed and I extricated myself from her vice-like grip as the cute mare rode the waves of the massive orgasm she just experienced. It must have been quite the experience too. Even as she came down from the high, Pinkie herself was a wreck. Her eyes were open but a sliver and a blank, dazed expression dominated her normally peppy face. One hand was still lying atop her breast and the other wrapped around her belly. Her breaths came laborious and deep; and one of her legs was spread at an angle, allowing an unobstructed view of her pussy, while the other was half raised at the knee.

Sheesh. Already? I bet Rainbow could last longer than this. Whatever. I didn't wait for Pinkie to recover. She had her fun, but now it was my turn. It's only fair, right?

Moving forward, I took her legs and positioned them over my shoulders. She did not seem to register this. What she did seem to register was when I lined my throbbing cock against her pussy and rubbed it up and down her slit. A small whimper escaped her and, with some effort, propped on her elbows to look at what I was doing, though her eyes were still largely unfocused.

Before she could say anything, I leaned over and kissed her. She returned it clumsily and I broke it off. "Just lean back and enjoy the ride, Pinkie," I said, gently pressing her to lay down.

A small, goofy smile graced her lips and she giggled. "Okie-dokie-lokie," she said in a singsong way.

She smiled impishly and laid back down, giving me her best bedroom eyes. Shifting experimentally, I lined the tip of my cock to her entrance and pushed, just a little. Her wonderfully tight pussy held on; hot and moist, tight and slippery. It was a veritable wonderland for any dick to explore. The heat of her sex was the most apparent aspect and I couldn't help but hiss at the awesome sensation of her cunny hanging on as tight as it could to whatever I gave.

I retracted so that my head was just about to leave its confines and in one full, steady movement, I pushed all the way and her pussy clenched, eagerly swallowing me up. Pinkie emitted a long, drawn out moan as my shaft impaled her. Her eyes were shut and her cute face scrunched up as if in concentration, while her hands clasped my arms on either side of her tummy.

God, she just looked so... tasty. So I promptly bent down and scooped a handful of her titty, wrapping my mouth around her light pink nipple; I sucked, bit and ran my tongue through that little nub for all I was worth and all the while my hips retracted and forcefully thrust to once again fill her welcoming mat.

Pinkie couldn't help herself and cried out. The force and movement of the thrust caused her legs to come down from my shoulders, but she quickly wrapped them around my waist while her hands shot out and grasped my face, bringing me in for a heated kiss. She all but shoved her tongue in my mouth and I vainly struggled to overcome the longer appendage.

That was the end of the line for me. No more teasing, no more play. While I kissed Pinkie, my hands worked at her breasts, pinching her cute little nubs and through the onslaught of our mouth battle a muffled squeal of delight rang through. Moving at a faster pace my hips pulled and entered her hot tunnel. I began fucking her in earnest.

We built a rhythm of sorts. I thrust against her and she against me. Her legs were tightly wrapped around me, as were her arms, though her nails were kinda digging into my back. It actually felt good. There was no talk and the only sounds that filled the room were crude, slapping noises as I pounded into her, our own heavy breathing and an occasional cute little squeak from Pinkie whenever I rammed into her too hard.

Time passed. I'm not sure how much, but we were both nearing our climax and where my fucking Pinkie had been measured and somewhat methodical, it was now rapid and without relent. Pinkie herself had tired of bucking her pelvis against my own, and she now laid there, just taking it. Her arms and legs were still wrapped around me, but her head lolled listlessly from my movements, eyes half-lidded and glazed over from lust and pleasure. Only her pants and moans were the sole indicator that she was still coherent.

I was close and she wasn't, but I knew a nifty little trick. I pulled from her embrace, much to a protesting whine from her and fucked her harder. My hand went lower and, after some fiddling around found her clitoris, which I then attacked relentlessly. It didn't take long. Pinkie's second orgasm must have been a doozy, because her whole entire body spasmed and in a flash, she half lifted from her lying position in the bed. She grabbed on to my arms and, with her cute face contorted, released a growling scream through gritted teeth. I too had reached my limit and let myself go, filling her womb while her pussy contracted and tightened around me, milking my shaft for all it was worth.

And that was the end of that. I plopped down unceremoniously and just barely missed landing atop Pinkie. For a while, we simply laid there, still and basking in the afterglow of the _amazing_ fuck and tried to catch our breaths. After regaining some of my strength, I moved closer and put an arm around her. She snuggled and nuzzled the crook of my neck, molding her soft body to mine. A small, lazy smile stretched across her lips and laid her head on my chest. We spent a good while in that position, nary a word passing between us and enjoying each other's warmth.

It was nice.

* * *

><p><strong>And there... we... go. My first clop scene ever. So, what did you guys think? Yay or nay? Was it rushed? Did it drag? Too bogged down in details? Not detailed enough? Was Pinkie in character? Out of character? <strong>

**C'mon, guys. Give me_ something_ here! Help_ me_ write better clop for _you_ to enjoy.**


End file.
